How did I end up here? At her house...On her lawn. Has it really been 3 years? Have I really been this pathetic? Who cares. I shouldn't look for answers or even care to ask. God, I'm so lonely. I'm crying. On her lawn. The one I used to kiss her on. Fuck. I collect myself. Struggle to get a good balance and stand. I fall. I laugh. Tears burst from my eyes. Oh well. I reach into my pocket. Empty. Ok. The bottle I blew my money on was half full. I smile. Things that seem so small now seem so great. I take a sip. Let it run down my throat and into my body. Allowing it to dilute my body and mind. Scoffing at how slow it seems to work. Insulting myself seems to be the only thing that makes me laugh anymore. She seems to be the only thing that makes me cry anymore. Oh, how I want her back. How I want that life back. Who cares. I shouldn't look for answers or even care to ask. I want to sleep here. On this lawn. On her lawn. Where I spent so much of my life. At this house. In that bed. Beside her. I wonder how much more of this my body can take. How much longer I can go on destroying this vessel. My back is wet from the grass. I've been wearing the same pair of clothes for about two months. Why do these things not bother me anymore? Why do I value getting drunk more than I value my well being? Why do I keep asking questions when I don't want the answers? "WHY AM I STILL HERE!?" Didn't mean to yell. Wonder if anyone heard me. Don't care. I need to sleep somewhere.
