The way to forgiveness

"The way to forgiveness" chapter 1

The first month, while Lorcan, Gavriel, Rowan, and Elide were looking for Aelin, they didn't speak much. Lorcan was going out of his mind. He hated himself, and what he did, he wanted Elide to hate him too. He wanted her to scream at him, hit him. God he would let her stab him to death, anything, anything but this.

She wouldn't speak to him; she didn't answer him, if she could, she would walk over him like he's a ghost. And the worst of it was that she wouldn't even look at him. For a whole month, he was trying to catch her eyes, but he was not able to. He could live with that, he told himself, with her hating him if that made her feel better. But the point was that it did not. The first week she did not eat, she drank some water, but that was it. Even Rowan ate more than her. Her eyes became so empty, and only when she was on the edge of fainting Rowan practically begged her to eat.

"We can't save her if we die from hunger, this will not help anybody," Rowan was just as depressed, with Aelin gone, more even. But it seemed that he put his mind to the right place, and was doing anything he can to find her. Lorcan hated himself for not being able to help her. But she did not let him in and so he could only watch her, hating herself. And he wondered if that was the greatest punishment of all,- to watch her suffer and not being able to do anything about it.

The first month went like this. At the second month, he and Elide made progress.

When going through the mountains, they got attacked he shielded her from an arrow that almost missed his heart. He lost a lot of blood and when he awoke after three days of healing, Elide was by his side. Sleeping. He was staring at her for an hour, what felt like a few seconds until she opened her eyes. She looked at him and asked:

"How do you feel?", he was too stunned to speak so he only nodded. Then she replied "good" and with that, she was gone.

And after that, the next month went almost the same, except that Elide was talking to him. Not really like before, colder and out of nessiserity, only when discussing their plans and tactics. But he was thankful that she was able to look him in the eyes, even if it was for less than a second.

After three months of their journey, they got Aelin back. War with Erowan was still a problem, but Meave was dead. Killed by Lorcan and Rowan themselves.

Right now they all were seated in the great hall in the castle of Terrasen. The Queen was saying something, but he was not looking at her. He was looking at the empty seat across from him. Elides seat. She was very distant yesterday, and she was not here now.

With Aelin back, and them in Terrasen, she was happy. But he could see that his betrayal still had taken a toll on her.

Lorcan decided to serve Aelin, so only he could be beside Elide and guard her. He knew that his invitation to Perranth was gone the second he betrayed them. But at least like this, he could see her, serve her and if need to be, protect her. Right now with Erowan still around Elide stayed with Aelin in Terrasen. He knew that when the time comes she will go back to her home and he will not be able to go with her. But he had now. And that was enough.

The doors to the hall opened and he instantly forgot what he was thinking about.

Elide was wearing a simple gray dress her hair was halfway down. She was thinner than all those months ago, Aelins sacrifice affected her not just mentally, but also physically. He hated himself that he was responsible for it.

Her eyes fixed on him and lingered for longer than it had in a long time. He felt his breath catch and slowly he remembered how to breathe.

She sat in her chair and apologized for coming this late. He wondered why she came late, what she was doing, but it was not his place to ask.

"We didn't discuss anything important anyway, and we are just finishing now."- said Aelin. Elides nod was followed by Adions "Thank gods, I'm starving." And they all were slowly going back to their rooms or in Adions place; the kitchen.

Elide was having that distant stare, that she been having a lot lately. She stood up and started walking. Lorcan was instantly on his feet and he realized that Elide was not going to her room. No, she was walking through the doors that would lead her out of the castle.

With Erowan still out there he could not let her go alone. He met Aelins stare, he knew why the queen did not assist any guards to her. Because even if Elide did not forgive him, he would protect her at any cost. Even if she did not want him, he would serve her as her guard. He would follow her to any danger, if not for her own wish than out of his own selfishness.

And so he did, he started following her. And she, she was going right to the forest. Where all those dangers might be waiting.

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To be continued..