Holding On

Chapter 1

The shrill sound of my alarm clock awoke me, i groaned rolling over to switch it off. I struggled to pry my eyes open, sleep not wanting to leave me, or me it, as much as i'd love to lay in bed for just one more hour but i only have half an hour to get myself ready before i have to wake Rosa up.

After showering, i lightly dried my icy blonde hair and applied minimal makeup, just a little foundation to my pale skin and a flick of mascara to the the lashes surrounding my dull green eyes.

I slipped on a pair of distressed black skinny jeans and a loose Jimi Hendrix vest top.

Glancing at the ticking clock on my bedside table i saw it was time to get Rosa up.

I sneaked across the hall into her bright yellow bedroom and silently opened her door.

Tip toeing over to her small bed, decorated with a princess veil, i cherished her tiny face, surrounded by gorgeous golden curls and, despite her sleeping state, her dimples were still visible in her plump cheeks.

Leaning down, i gently kissed her and lightly shook her shoulder.

"Rosa, sweetie, wakey wakey." I softly spoke, causing her dark lashes flutter slightly and her button nose to wrinkle before her eyes popped open, revealing a pair of bright, glistening blue eyes that remind me so much of her fathers, i couldnt help the frown that suddenly creased my features, but it soon dissapeared when she spoke.

"Five more minutes Mummy!" She yawned ever so sweetly. I let out a small chuckle at her attempt of bargaining for a lie in.

"No can do, Munchkin. Besides, its pancakes for breakfast!" I grinned down at her and instantly her face lit up with excitement!

"PANCAKES!" She screamed energetically before frowning and a questioning glint flickered in her eyes. "With strawberrys?" she asked, only it came out 'strawreds', her own word for strawberrys.

"Of course! And if youre good, maybe even sprinkles!!" I coaxed her. Her eyes immediately bulged with joy and she sat up, letting her bright pink princess duvet cover slip off her.

"Lets go Mummy!" She squeeled with excitement, holding her arms up for me to lift her up. Holding her close, i couldnt help the warmth that spread through me and the fluttering feeling in my stomach, urging me to squeeze her closer to my body. This little girl is my world, after everyone abandoned me,i still had her. And although it was hard raising her on my own at the same time as getting an education and earning the money to feed her, just looking into her bright blue eyes, so full of love and devotion, made it all worth it. She is all i need, just me and her against the world.

After getting her dressed a lilac sundress with a silver hem, i carried her down the hall to the kitchen to cook her her breakfast. Sitting her on her stool i turned to the task of mixing the ingredients for the perfect fluffy pancakes together.

"Mummy?"

"Yes, sweet pea?" I turned around briefly to see her sat at the counter playing with her Pepper Pig toy and Action man, making them dance together.

"Why does Layla get a Mummy and Daddy?" I frowned at my wisking.

"What do you mean, honey?"

"I have a mummy, why does Layla get a Mummy and a Daddy?" She asked, a hint of sadness in her voice.

Spinning around i quickly went over to where she was sat, i picked her up and spun her around, causing giggle to escape from her.

Placing her on my hip once again, i felt a sence of satisfaction as no sign of sadness remained.

"Well, Rosa, you do have a Daddy, It's just he can't be here at the moment. He's far away, protecting the world from scary Dragons that want to gobble you up," I tickled her tummy for effect causing a mixture between a squeel and a giggle to cime out, a noise i like to call her tickle giggle. "But maybe one day, he'll be able to come for a visit if the dragons go on holiday." I finished explaining.

A part of me did feel guilty for lying to her, but i knew she wouldnt understand the truth, which made a part of me so mad that i had to lie. In an ideal world, she would have a Mumny and a Daddy and a cat called mittens with a bell around its neck that could be heard whenever it went through the catflap. But then again, in an ideal world i wouldnt be an 18 year old single mother relying on her benefits to make ends meet and her father wouldnt be in prison for being such a moron, thinking he was so hard, waving a gun around to show off to his 'mates'. Hes lucky the guy was only injured and not killed.

Taking a deep breath i placed her back on her stool to continue playing.

After finishing off the pancakes, i poured the batter and started chopping the strawberry's while the batter cooked.

Once the first one was cooked i placed it on a plate and topped it with the chopped strawberrys before placing it infront of Rosa and giving her the sprinkles.

Whilst she was distracted with her breakfast, i started brushing her silky curls and teased them into a french plait. She hated having her hair played with so i always had to do it whilst she was distracted.

Glancing up at the clock on the oven i realised we were running late; id have to grab something to eat whilst i was at work.

"Come on Munchkin, time for nursery." I lifted her off the stool and she ran off towards her bedroom.

"Rosa!!" I called out. After no answer i followed her down the hall, im hoping shes not choosing this morning to be difficult, we're running late as it is and if we dont leave now im going to be late for work. Stopping at her door, i spotted her in the corner of her room, rummaging through her toy box.

"Rosa, we dont have time for this! Lets get your shoes on." I tried to reason with her.

"But Mummy, i cant find Dora!" She cried. I rolled my eyes, Rosa wont go anywhere without her Dora the Explorer toy.

"Its okay sweet pea, she's in the car waiting for you." I told her, picking her up and heading towards the door to put her pink sequined pumps on, her new favourite shoes after i brought them for her last week.

Once i'd slipped my black and white chuck taylor low tops on, i grabbed her lunch box and my car keys and led her out the door.

After strapping her into the car seat i quickly manouvered myself out of the space and started driving towards her nursery, thankful for the lack of traffic today.

Once she was settled in the play area with her best friend, Layla i started zooming across town to the italian reseraunt where i worked as a part time chef.

"I'm so sorry i'm late!" i gushed as i rushed through the front door of Pizza Fiorenze. "Rosa couldnt find her Dora." I explained to Anna, the owner. She smiled warmly at me from where she was sat at one of the tables with a mountain of papers and calculator sat infront of her.

"How is the Rosa?" She asked. Anna was a great boss, and friend. She hired me as a waitress shortly after giving birth to Rosa and i worked my way up from there. She and her husband can't have kids, so dote on Rosa as if she were their own, babysitting every now and then or lending me money for nappies or food when things get a little tight, financialy.

"A diva as usual." I grinned at her as i headed into the kitchen to begin lunch prep.