My Brain Dump

Some Journal Stuff

***These are things I have thought of/written down in my journal over the years. Some of these were from when I was in a particularly bad state but I'm better now and don't have many bad days so yaay. btw I've never dated anyone, some are just my thoughts on things***

I want to love but I can't live through another fall. Not again.

Lovers aren't the only ones who can deal out heartbreak.

I'm like Icarus: I soared high above the clouds at my best moments but I drowned under the waves of the sea at my darkest.

I always thought that I would be happy when I was 70, working my job and taking care of my adopted grandkids, living alone other than a dog and cat in a cozy cabin but looks like love had other plans for me.

Friendship is like a glass dome. It will shake and crack. You can fill the cracks in together, but if you are the only one fixing, the dome will fall with everything you worked to build.

I'm so tired of school. 6-7 hours of my day five days a week in a rotation of classrooms cramming information that's probably not going to be useful into my head and making me cough it back up on the test like cat coughing up a knowledge hairball. Yaay.

I have grown so tired and I have slowly grown numb over the years. I don't remember the last time I felt genuinely happy. 

They left me so many times yet I kept running after them even as they never looked back.

I need to get more sleep. 

I feel like a puppet to something I don't know how to defeat. 

Demons are tearing me apart behind my mask. Tearing me up into tiny pieces that wither away at even the gentlest breeze. But I stay, my damaged self somehow going on.

I'm running on sleep deprivation and motivation to sleep.

I've been a little more open lately. It's kinda scary but everyone so far seems to be alright. 

I want to cuddle. It sounds fun. 

Spiders are like the human population. Most are decent, some are amazing, some are downright terrifying. Except they're not as destructive as us. 

Us humans are kinda like parasites. We settle and pollute and feed off of resources we know are running out and many are hoping to find another planet to consume before we run out of time on this one. 

So there's that theory that the universe started in a ridiculously small space, like nothing existed and then this tiny smaller than an atom thing exploded via the big bang into the universe we know now right? Then there's the theory that the universe's end will be when everything in compressed again. But then theoretically won't the big bang happen again and form a new universe with new species and with new elements and whatever because of absurd conditions within the small speck that makes up the entire universe? What if the big bang was just a big bang, meaning it had happened multiple times and we'd never know things about those other universes because everything would theoretically be destroyed and will have pretty much zero chance of surviving the compression? There would be endless things we wouldn't be able to ever know about because everything is wiped away and represented as a blank slate, wouldn't there be? Isn't that freaking cool yet so sad to think about? This is one of my favorite things to think about when I'm bored, to imagine cultures and new species and who knows? Maybe magic could have existed and people could fly in another? What if there was a giant robot war in during one period and then everything was gone when everything compressed again? I just love thinking about this.

(A/N: So these are things I've written over the years and I'm thinking about writing a story about the last one after I finish either Fateful Summer or Photograph. What do you think about them?)