Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Trying to distract myself from the truth but it never seems to work, trying to change myself to be someone I'm not but it never felt right, the emotional rollercoaster I went on for nothing. Why didn't I listen, why couldn't I see it back then.
Left with regrets I feel as though I can't fix them, the feeling that my own head is torturing me, what do I do, I ask myself every second, every minute, every hour. Day after day and still I sit here wondering who can I go to for help. If only I could speak to those who are needed, not leaving anything unsaid.
My head hurts me and my heart can't tell me what to do anymore, it's like I can't hear what it's saying. The past is destroying my future. Will I leave or will I stay, no one know except those who are in control. How can I forgive those who put me in a difficult position and than left me, I admit on a few occasions it was my fault because I had trouble communicating with people and I didn't stand up for what was right out of fear.
The fact I can talk to anyone even those close to me doesn't help, they will ask if I'm okay and even if I'm not ill smile and say yes. That fake smile can't always be there, sometimes it fades away and I can't take it anymore.
To those who left me behind when I needed them most: i thought you were there for me because I was always there for you no matter what but you should know next time you need something from me don't bother asking.
To those who hurt me I beg stay away don't turn my life to hell again. Just leave, don't come back, I hope you change, I hope you have seen what you have done but I know you won't change and you don't care, that's your choice. You won't use me again.
To those I hurt please forgive me, I am sorry, I didn't mean it, I have change and I hope you can forgive me because no ones perfect, I made bad decisions when I made bad friends, I should have seen they were no good. Now that I know I promise it will never happen again.
To those who stayed and tried to help thank you, no words can show how grateful I am, you are amazing, you stayed by my side after all I had been through and although it was either hard to watch or hard to handle I am grateful you stuck around to help me. It only proved you were and still are real friends.
