Dark Times

The Years I can't Remember

I don't remember much of the next five years. I remember waking up in mud of pigsties with massive pain in my head and I remember that Skymie and Scurvy stuck with me for most of that time but not much beyond that. The two of them told many of the things I now know,though I do remember something that happened with three maids I found bathing in a river south of Philadelphia. I will tell that story later in this story.

The first day that I fully remember was the day that that time in my life came to an end. I awoke on the floor of a barn with an empty cask of whisky under my arm. I had no clue where I was or what I had done the night before, but the memory of Laela burned in my head. I looked around for another bottle or cask so that I might dull this memory again but found nothing.

I heard a squeak from the rafters and looked up to see Skymie looking over the edge of a rafter. He seemed to be watching me as if he was trying to make sure that I wasn't going to get angry at him, but I couldn't figure out why. I tried to remember if I had done something to him to make him fear me.

"Did I wrong yoo in some way my little friend?" I asked doing my best to smile. "If so forgive me and come down here so that I may gain yor forgiveness farther."

He popped his head out farther and said. "You done no wrong here,Mikey." He squeaked. "I worried you get rage when finding booze gone."

"No,though, I wonder where it is." I said. "Why I'm in here I canna remember? Where is Scurvy?"

"He with Nate." Skymie said. "Nate took bottle. He say you need to dry out."

I rubbed my head trying to remember any of what he was saying happening before I came to be in the barn. "He was probably right. I can't remember anything about the day before this one. I might not have needed to drink so much."

I walked over to the door and checked it, finding it was locked. "So, what did I do that they had to lock me in here with yoo?"

"Bad thing." Skymie said. "Town want to try you. You might have to marry."

"What?"I grunted. "Why would I have to marry?"

"Girl with child." He squeaked. "She say you father."

I thought back as best I could but couldn't remember having sex with anyone for at least a month. "So, I've been accused of lechery."I rubbed my face and sat on a bale of hay. "At least they might have something there but I donna remember anyone I could have impregnated. Have you seen this girl?"

"Yes."He said sitting up. "Me not remember seeing her with you. I've seen that a lot but not with her."

"So, I'm falsely accused." I laughed a little. "Oh, how I wish Laela was alive to see this. She would have thought this silly."

"You not seem as sad about death." Skymie squeaked and moved to a lower point. "Me thought that would still be crushing in you."

I thought about the pain of losing her, and it was still strong and painful but some of that had faded away. I knew that I couldn't forget her, but the pain was going to fade and I knew I had to go on. This was a turning point in my life but her death would overshadow everything I have done since but at least I knew I could live on.

I checked my pockets. "You know you guys could have at least left me with my cigars."

With those words one of my long thin cigars and flint and steel fell to the floor followed by a small piece of tinder. "We keep that for you. Just no booze. You no drink."

I ignored him as I lit my cigar. I wanted a drink badly but I also knew that drink was what got me into this mess, and I didn't need any more trouble. Even now, I want that drink but I touch it only rarely. The problem with addiction is that it never goes away fully, and I have addictions I could do without.