faking it » david dobrik

9

David and I refrained from talking for a few days after the fan incident. If I was just a little pettier, I would've invited some people over for a sleepover or something, but David scared me a little and I knew Aaliyah liked her space in the dorms more than she let on.

The fan thing actually turned out okay. I stalked and followed both of the girls on Twitter after we dropped them off at their house. They posted nothing but good things about David (and they said I was really nice), so I didn't feel so bad about it. It was good publicity for David and for us as a couple. If Celeste and Isabella could tweet that they thought this "might be it for David", then everyone should be able to believe it.

David didn't see the point in it. He made a fair argument: what if I walked in and he started screaming at me because he didn't know I was with some fans? I could see where he was coming from, but my argument was this: why do you have to scream at me in the first place?

The only time I ever felt like we truly connected was at our first doctor's appointment together.

The whole place was unnerving. From the waiting room with pictures of happy families, to the white exam room, to the dioramas of abortions and ovaries and everything in between, I was on edge the entire time I was there.

I grew up in a pretty religious household. My parents believed sex was solely for after marriage and probably didn't know reproductive health before sex was equally as important. Going to the gynecologist was not a thing for teenage me, and once I moved to LA, I never went either. I knew I was taking care of myself, and nothing looked or smelled wrong, so I avoided it at all costs.

Big mistake. Now, sitting in the office staring at the stirrups at the end of the exam table, I was on the edge of my seat. The only thing comforting me, to my shock, was David's hand interlocked with mine, his thumb gently stroking back and forth over the back of my hand. It was the most human he had been the entire two weeks we had lived together, maybe because it all hit him at once that this was real, or maybe because he was beginning to care.

The doctor basically confirmed the obvious: I was pregnant. She told me everything appeared to be healthy and normal, and we'd have to get a little farther along before we would learn the important things like sex and the actual health of the baby.

"That was pretty good, right?" David asked, our fingers still interlocked, as we left the clinic. "I mean, you're not dying or anything. That's always good."

"Yeah, I'm feeling better, surprisingly," I nodded in agreement, tossing my black braid over my shoulder. "Are we actually going to do this, David? Have a baby?"

"Are you... having second thoughts?" he opened the door for me and motioned for me to remain silent until he could get in the other side. "I get it, if you are. I'm not the one who's gonna have to pop it out. If you want to... you know, I will support your decision."

"What? No, I don't want an abortion," I furrowed my brows and shook my head. "I, just, I don't know. It's hard to explain. We're going to be parents, David. We are forever going to be connected. One day, we're probably going to have grandkids together. We're going to be grandparents. Are we ready for that? And I know there's no other option, and I'm just venting at this point, but still, I'm scared. I'm so scared."

"Hey," David reassuringly grabbed my hand and began his routine, slowly stroking the back of it with his thumb. "Look, I know I haven't been the most... welcoming, and I'm sorry. I have an ex-girlfriend, which you know by now, and I really, really thought we were going to get back together and have a perfect life. I really believed that with all my heart. With you in the picture, I'm not sure that's true anymore. Not that we're going to get married or anything, but you are now forever a fixture in my life. Sloane Carlisle is not just a girl I hooked up with while a little under the influence; she's my fucking baby mama. I don't mean to seem cold or distant, and I don't want you to feel scared about our "foreverness", if that makes sense. I'm not going to abandon our baby, and I'm not going to leave you. We may not be dating. It may just be a contract between us, and nothing more, but we have a kid to think about. Even if we're the two most platonic people you'll ever meet, we will forever be attached. I promise I'm gonna start trying to be a better person and make you feel more at home. I want us to be friends so when our baby comes, we can be co-parents. I want us to work, okay?"

I smiled, squeezing his hand. "Okay."

this is so short im sorry