I Hope You're Happy

Remember Me

My name is Kristan Pangalinan and I plan on committing suicide. I have read many advices at reasons on why should I not kill myself.

'Think of those person na maiiwan mo'
'It will be painful not only for you but also for those na maiiwan mo'

At marami pang iba.

But I fail to see na kung bakit yung iniintindi nila ay yung taong maiiwan ko. Why should I care for them when here I am planning on killing myself tapos wala man lang silang kaalam alam.

It is me that is hurted and broken. Why should I do it for them? How about me?

But there is one advice na tumatatak sa utak ko.

'Think of something na makakapigil sayo na mag commit ng suicide. Kahit ano, a simple I love you, a simple acknowledgement. Isipin mo yung taong gusto mong pigilan ka at kung ano yung gusto mong gawin nila para sayo. Then do it to them.'

At sa isip isip ko, fuck it why not. If I'm going to kill myself I might as well do something good for them for the last time.

First to my parents, I want them to tell me na proud sila sakin.

So after I go to school I hugged my mom in the kitchen while she's cooking breakfast and then I said.

"I love you ma, I am so proud to be your son" Then I saw my father enter the kitchen to grab some breakfast before going to work.

I looked at my mother speechless and surprised. We were never that close. Ever since I heard my father and mother yell at each other because of me. I can still hear them saying 'If not for that child I wouldn't be putting up with you'

Then I walked toward my father and said "hey pa, Thanks for everything and I love you"

I left both of my parents speechless and confused. I made my way to school.

I wanted my friends to be their for me. This guys are the one I'll miss the most. I enjoy being with them at the least. But we are boys we couldn't really talk about our problems.

But I know them, they are my best buds.

Hank has family issue, worse than mine. His parents separated and now he sometime go home with his mother and sometimes with his father. Both of his parents has new family. I know it must be tough for him being in the middle of two happy family while being left in a broken one.

Jasper's problem is that his parents have high expectations of him. He is not allowed to follow his own dream.

I have been supportive to the both of them. Nandyan ako lagi tuwing kailangan nila ako. Pero di nila alam yung pinagdadaanan ko ngayon.

When I met them I acted normal. I decided to do my bidding before I go home.

Then in our classroom I saw Abby. The girl that I love. Unfortunately friends lang tingin niya sakin. She confides in me in most of her problem. Pati yung problem nila ng boyfriend niya. I wanted her to tell me she loves me.

I acted as I would normally do. I laughed with them and spent the day with them.

Before I go home I grabbed both of Jasper and Hank's shoulder and said

"Guys, you are the best friend I will ever have. Salamat sa masayang oras."

I looked at Hank and said "Stay strong, someday you'll build a happy family on your own."

Then I looked at Jasper "Go for it, you want to be a musician right? Do it, change your parents mind, show it na kaya mo, pakita mo na you'll make them proud."