the suicide hotline. e.d

.1.

i reach for the one thing my life depends on, a razor blade. i sit down on the cold hardwood floor with my back against the wall. i sat there in the dark thinking about what i was just about to do. 

i was at the lowest point of my whole life. i was blamed for my own fathers death and i dearly loved him. my mom is out of town and grayson is out with his girlfriend right now, and what am i doing? i'm thinking if my life is all that worth it right now and if it should just end now.

i look at the alarm clock next to me it was 1:59 ami knew by now that grayson is sleeping over at his girlfriend's house. i grab the blade and i put it up to my wrist, i gently start gliding across little by little going deeper every second. suddenly i hear a loud bang that causes me to stop, i quickly get up, wash the blood off and pull my sleeve down. i knew it was going to bleed through the sleeve but i had to check what was going on.

i run down the stairs to see a semi drunk grayson in the kitchen trying to get water. i rush over to get him a glass of water. " so what's up " grayson asks. i had to lie or else he'd tell me to go to the hotline and talk to some pathetic person. i respond quickly " well it's going alright, you don't seem well let's put you to bed" i reach for his shoulder and gently guide him my way. i feel a sharp pain where i cut. i gasp and he makes me let go of his shoulder, he looks furious. he pulls up my sleeve as fast as he could  " what the fuck ethan"  he raises his voice. i stayed silent

"ethan i don't care what is happening right now you need to stop  cutting yourself"  i gulp i guess he is right but he doesn't understand my situation he isn't me. he'll never feel the pain i've gone through. grayson looks at me already knowing what i was going to say " i'm in pain grayson, i can't help it" i say tearing up. my father had depression and anxiety as well, the way his life ended was the same way i want mine to end. suicide. 

grayson sees the blood all over my arm. "that's it ethan call the hotline now" grayson speaks up. i didn't want to call the hotline " it's not that bad grayson" i blurt out though it's not true " you went vertical ethan. vertical  it's bad" i knew that was true.

after a good thirty minutes grayson goes up to him room and falls asleep. i started getting tired but not tired enough to fall asleep i go down stairs to get some water and a snack. as i was walking down the stairs my phone goes off and it's one of my friends they snapchatted me just sending streaks i didn't care enough about streaks to send back. i started to think about what grayson said i might consider trying the hotline. it might make the pain go away temporarily i don't know.

an: sksks sorry for the cliffhanger but my fingers were getting tired of typing non stop and i felt super inspired to start this again. thank you so much for the support. don't forget to follow my instagram @sisterdeclined   till next time guys. byeee! (595 words)