Sleigh Bells

Wish List

Probably one of the hardest things I have to do during the holidays is tell people what I want for Christmas. Riley always insist I make a wish list with at least ten things on it. She says that it gives people options of what to get you. She says that it's worse for others when you don't make a wish list, because then they don't know what to get you.

So, every year, I abide by Riley's Christmas rules, and I make a wish list. 

However, it is always accompanied by two or three hours of blankly staring at a piece of paper before I scribble the same thing down as I do every year. Riley gave me last year's wish list for a reference. I stared down at it.

Wish list-

1. paint

2. paintbrushes

3. canvas

4. pastels

5. oils

6. colored pencils

7. sketchbook

8. sponge brush

9. tracing paper

10. pencils

I furrowed my eyebrows. Even though I knew I would write the same things I wrote every year, I still wanted to think about it. Lucas sat down in front of me.

"What are you doing?" he asked, trying to read my paper upside down.

"Making my Christmas wish list," I mumbled.

"Cool," he said, "What do you want?" I slid the old wish list over to him. He read it with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Maya... how many sketchbooks do you own?" I avoided my eyes.

"Maya..." he said.

"A whole bookshelf," I mumbled.

"Of empty ones?" I nodded, still not meeting his eyes.

"And... correct me if I'm wrong... you also have entire buckets of unopened paint int you closet?" I nodded again, avoiding his eyes as I had been for the past two minutes.

"Okay, then," he said, "Let's just..." he grabbed my wish list and ripped it in half. He opened the front door and threw it out into the snow. 

"Lucas!" I cried, "That was my-"

"Wish list from last year?" he raised his eyebrows at me. "Maya, you have to write what you want. Not what you think it's easiest for everyone to get you."

"Fine," I said, "But you have to help me."

"Gladly," Lucas smiled, "So. What ridiculous stupid things have you seen in magazines that you want?"

I shrugged.

"Come on, Maya. You can tell me. I'm trying to help," he said gently.

"So... you know those super ridiculous blankets... that you pull around you legs..." I mumbled.

"Yeah," Lucas said, smiling stupidly.

"The ones that look like mermaid tails?" Lucas burst out laughing, and I felt the blood rush to my face.

"This is stupid!" I cried, storming away, "I knew you would laugh!"

"No, no, Maya!" Lucas said, wrapping his arms around me before I could get too far, "That's precious! It's so awesome that you thought of something you want that you don't already have closets full off!" He pulled me back into my seat and wrote it on the piece of paper.

"So," he said, "I vaguely remember you mentioning something about a portable charging bank for your phone?"

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Making a wish list was the hardest thing for me to do for the holidays because, before I met Riley and Farkle and the rest of my friends, I couldn't really ask my Mom for anything. I would say mundane things that I didn't really want, like broken hairbands. I would tell her that I wanted to use them for an art project, and she would get excited because broken hairbands was something she could get.

So, when I met my friends, it was still hard to ask for presents. I got that I could ask them for things other than broken hairbands, but I had felt ashamed when I was little every time I wanted to ask my Mom for something, and those feelings lingered, I guess. 

So, I asked them for things that made sense to ask for. Art supplies. It was fine the first few years. Then they started piling up. Cardboard boxes stuffed with brand new tins of colored pencils. Bookshelves full of unused sketch books. Closets full of unopened paint cans.

But still, I would ask for these things. I guess my friends all assumed I used my supplies faster than I got them.

But, Lucas got me to ask for things that I would never have dreamed of asking for. Things that I did want, but still too ashamed to ask for.

When Lucas helped me with my Christmas list, I felt free, I felt different, like all of the money constraints from my childhood had just been cut away. I know a Christmas wish list is stupid to feel so free about, but I felt it anyway.

He had helped me.

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Maya's Wish List

1. Mermaid tail blanket

2. Portable charging bank

3. Guitar picks

4. Holographic nail polish

5. Emoji pillow

6. Slippers

7. Polaroid camera

8. Gel pens

9. Cactus

10. Gift cards