Wabi-Sabi

//An Encounter//

I sat in the circle. I began to sweat, I was probably glistening by now. I felt like I was going to freak out. I hadn't gotten my fix in days.

“Are you listening?” said the man leading the group. His name was Stan. He was medium height, with brown hair, and pale skin. He slightly resembled the actor James McAvoy. “It’s your turn.” he said, pointing at me.

I stood up from my seat. “S-Sorry, um. My name is Freya, and I-I’m a cocaine addict.” Everyone looked at me and said “Hi, Freya.” It was the same old, same old every week. After my turn was up, the rest of the meeting was everyone just introducing themselves and what their biggest fear was.

“Change” said a girl who was sitting beside me. It was now my turn.

“Losing my Freedom.” I grew up with no freedom. My parents never let me go out, hang out with friends. I only ever got to go out when I was going to school, and I never really had much luck there either. I had only two close friends, Nerissa and Max. My home life didn't make it any better. My parents were always fighting. My dad would come home drunk on multiple occasions, falling and spewing, and waking up the whole house.

Right when I graduated school, I moved out, and left for good. The last time I talk to my mother was on my 19th birthday. When I left, I felt so free and alive. I started partying, and drinking, and I eventually was introduced to coke. It soon got to the point where I was addicted and using often, if not everyday.

When the meeting was over, I made my way to my 1950’s pickup truck. It’s not in very good condition, but it gets me where I need to go. I got in, buckled my seatbelt, and put the keys in the ignition. Before I left I checked the messages on my phone.

Nerissa (2)

Oliver (1)

I opened Nerissa’s first. “Party tonight at Alex’s. Starts @ 9.” I shot her a quick text back

“Sorry can’t make it. Plans with Oliver. xx” I pressed send and checked Oliver’s message. Oliver and I have been dating for a year now. “Sorry babe. Can’t hang tonight. Talk to you later” I didn’t even bother texting him back. He does this a lot. Sometimes I dont even think he would care if I overdosed and died. I shot a quick text to Nerissa. “Nevermind, see you tonight xx”

//

After taking a shower, I chose my outfit for the night. I decided on my blue twist rib skater dress, my leather jacket, and my black Doc Martens. I made my way out of my flat, and headed for the party.

When I arrived it was crazy. In one corner, people were taking drags of their tar filled fags, while in another corner they were drinking and getting high. The amount of noise in the room was overwhelming. I made my way through the bodies to find Nerissa. I eventually found her near the drinking and getting high corner.

“Hey Nerissa.” She looked stoned out of her mind.

“H-Hi Fr-Freya.” She said as she started playing with my hair. She was slurring her words.

“Nerissa, I think you need to sit down.” I took her over a nearby couch and sat her down. I needed to let off some steam. This was beginning to feel more like babysitting than a party.

“Neris, stay here I’ll be right back.” I made my way to the nearest bathroom. I took out the bag of white powder and lined it up on the sink. I leaned down, putting my index finger on my left nostril and snorting all the white powder that was once on the sink into my nose. As I finished up, I heard the door open. Dammit, why didn’t I lock the door? I thought to myself.

Looking at the door, I saw a guy emerge. He had brown eyes, dark brown hair which was shaved on both sides and long in the middle, but it was pushed to the right. He was wearing a white t-shirt that looked far to big for him, and black jeans that had a whole in the right knee. He looked right at me but didn’t start talking, so I did.

“Sorry, I was just finishing.” he gave me a look.

“You’re just killing yourself you know?” he said looking at me.

“What are you talking about?” Just play it cool. I thought to myself.

“The baggy is right there.” he said pointing to the baggy on the sink.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.” He was still staring at me. The way he looked at me made me feel stupid and like a child.

“I was you once, but I’m clean now.”

“Good for you, now please leave me alone.” I made my way to the door, but he blocked it.

“I can’t let you go, because if I let you go them I won’t discover the name of this beautiful girl standing in front of me.” I stood there silent for a minute. ‘He thinks your beautiful, stop being a bitch’ I thought to myself.

“Matty” he said, offering his hand.

“My name is Freya, now please let me leave.” I quickly shook his hand. He held on for what seemed like forever.

“Can I have my hand back now?” I was growing annoyed. How could this guy just walk in and think he knows me. He doesn’t know shit about me. He may think I’m pretty, but that doesn’t change the fact that he was being annoying. He released my hand and unblocked the door. I made my way back to the party, but he followed close behind me.

“Do you need something?” I asked. I didnt mean to be such a bitch, it just sort of happens sometimes, especially when I’m using.

“I need to get you a drink obviously.” he said. I decided to stop being so tense. Let loose a little bit. I could feel the cocaine begin to kick in as well.

“You’re not going to drug it are you?” He gave me a smirk, and shook his head.

“No, definitely not.” We walked over to the open bar, where Alex was serving drinks. He was a tall guy, with slicked back dark brown hair. I had only met his once before with Nerissa.

“What can I get you guys?”

“Do you have Vodka?” He handed Matty the whole bottle. He handed it to me and I took a swig of it. It burned my throat on the way down causing me to make a face, which caused Matty to laugh.

“Have you by any chance seen Ross?” Matty asked, turning to Alex. Alex shook his head. Matty shook it off and motioned me to follow him. I did so, and we made our way over to the couch were Nerissa was still laying down. She was out cold. I shook her and she began to stir awake.

“Freya, were you bee-” she leaned over and began to throw up. I quickly got her up and brought her to the bathroom, Matty was close behind. Why is he still following me? I thought to myself.

Nerissa leaned down into the toilet, and began to blow chunks again. I rubbed her back with one hand and pulled her hair back with the other.

“I should probably take her home.” I said, looking up at Matty. He nodded his head in agreement.

“Can I give you my number?” As much as he annoyed me, I had to admit, he was cute.

“Matty, I have a boyfriend.” I almost forgot about him.

“So? We can still talk. Can’t we?” I was getting way too far ahead of myself. He probably didn’t even like me that way. I have a boyfriend anyways.

"Fine." I grabbed his phone and added myself to his contacts.

"And I'm not letting you drive home. You are high, and you are going to start freaking out any second now.” I gave him a small nod.

He led Nerissa and I to his car, a 1973 Pontiac Firebird Trans AM.

"Nice car." I said. This model was on my dream car list.

"Thanks. You can afford a lot of nice things when you aren't spending all your money on coke."  I gave him a sarcastic laugh.

//

After Matty dropped Nerissa and I off at my flat, we headed straight to bed. Nerissa passed out cold on and I followed close behind her.