50 Days, 50 letters

Day One- To My Love (Sunday, 09/23/2018)

Dearest love,

You make me so happy, and I'm so scared I'm gonna loose you. I'm broken and I don't want to run you away. You're the one, I can just feel it. We're similar down to injuries. We have similar mental issues, quite a few of them are the same. We have similar music likes, and literally can't pick favourites because we listen to so many different genres. You hold my heart and are protecting it. I can't wait for the day we meet. I'm sitting here smiling as I think about it. Thank you for giving me a reason to see the next day, and accepting me, flaws, mental problems, craziness, and all. Thank you for bringing hope back to my life.

I was so nervous when we first talked on Discord, via text. But then you asked if I would go out with you, and I (of course) said yes. I'd been crushing on you since day one, but I was so scared of being rejected that I didn't say anything. We may be many miles apart, and have completely different time zones, but we make it work. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule, for me. I'm sitting here, remembering the first time we voice chatted. I came back on the app and saw you'd turned on the camera. I was hesitant to turn it on at first, but I finally did, and I'm so glad I did. You were sitting in your room, gaming, your focus on the game. I didn't mind, I was happy to sit there and watch you. I know it sounds a little creepy, but I mean it in a good way. You make me so happy. Then you turn around and look at the camera, and I start blushing like there's no tomorrow. You smile, and I'm smiling like an idiot by this point. I smiled so much that day that it hurt to smile. The same thing happens whenever we actually talk on the phone, and I get to hear your voice. You're so cute, baby, no matter what.

You've helped me start to drop my walls, and drop my insecurities. Especially when you said that you love me, every bit of me, all of my flaws. You're accepting every part of me, and I'm so happy I have you. You've saved my life quite a few times without knowing... I was in a dark place and you helped me to see the light again. A new reason to fight to see another day. A reason to keep going. Enough about that, this letter isn't about that.

Thank you for being there, and accepting me as I am, letting me be, well, me. I love you more and more every day, and, like I said, I can't wait for us to finally meet. I'm probably gonna end up crying. Not sad tears, no, but tears of joy,to actually hold you in my arms. To kiss and hug you. To see you, face-to-face. Video calling isn't the same. I can't wait to wake up and the first thing I see, is you. I'm so happy we met.

Now my mind is going to the first time we ever texted. The very first time. I'd been struggling with depression and you asked if I'd like to pm you. I did, and gave you a basic lay-out of the situation. You asked what I looked like, and I was so nervous. You said you'd send a picture back, so it wouldn't be awkward. I sent one, nervous as all Hell, and you sent one in return, as promised. God, I think I started to fall in love then, now that I think about it. Here I was, not knowing you, but feeling comfortable enough to talk to you. That means a lot, especially from someone who has major trust issues. You understand me. You get me. Thank you.

I love you so much that I don't think there are words for it, in any language. You make me feel safe when I'm scared, and you bring light to my darkest days. I love you so much, and never want to loose you. I'm so scared of running you off because I'm so broken. You've kept me here, kept me sane, kept me from giving up, and refuse to let me give up. Thank you, baby, for that. I'm but a broken thing, but you're helping me rebuild.

With all of my heart,
Your baby girl,

Dawn

EDIT: A/N: He and I broke up. Read Day 3 when it goes up to see who I'm with now.