BTS Love Yourself: The Notes

Love Yourself: TEAR Notes

Seokjin
30 August YEAR 22

Can anyone remember the moment they fall in love? Can anyone predict the moment their love will end? What could be the reason that humans don’t have the ability to recognize those moments? And why was I given the power to return all of those things?

The car came to a sudden stop, the headlights flash, crashing, bouncing, falling. I did nothing but stand defenseless in the face of all of those moments. I heard no sound and felt no sensations. It was summer, but the wind seemed cold. There was the sound of something tumbling along the street. Then there was the scent of flowers. Only then did a sense of reality come to me. The bouquet of Smeraldo flowers fell from my hand. She was laying there in the middle of the street. There was blood flowing in between the strands of her hair. The dark red blood flowers along the street. I thought, “If only I could turn back time.”

Seokjin
12 July YEAR 20

Past the school doors, the sound of cicadas prickled my ears. The school yard was crowded with kids laughing and playing and competing in races. It was the start of summer vacation and everyone was chattering. I ducked my head and walked in between them. I wanted to leave as quickly as I could.

“Hyung.” I lifted my head surprised by the sudden appearance of someone’s shoulder. It was Hoseok and Jimin. They looked at me, their smiles as wide and bright as ever and their eyes full of mischief. “Today is the start of vacation, are you still going to leave?” Hoseok asked tugging at my arm. I muttered, “sure,” and a few more meaningless words, then turned my head away. What had happened that day was clearly an accident. It wasn’t intentional. I hadn’t imagined that Jungkook and Yoongi would be in the storage room at that time. The principal suspected that I was covering for my dangsaengs. I had to say something. But in the end Yoongi had gotten expelled. Nobody knew that I had been the complicit.

“Have a good vacation hyung! I’ll call you.” Maybe having interpreted my expression, Hoseok let his hand drop slightly and forced an even brighter greeting. I couldn’t answer this time either. There was nothing I could say. As I passed the school gate, I thought of the first day I had come to this school. We had all been punished  for tardiness together. We could laugh because of it. I had ruined these moments.

Yoongi
15 June YEAR 22

I wasn't aware of anything other than the sound of music playing in my head. Not how much I had drunk, nor where I was, nor what I had been doing. I didn’t know, and it wasn’t important. When I went outside, stumbling, it was already night. I swayed as I walked. I bumped into pedestrians, news kiosks, walls. I didn’t care. I just wanted to forget everything.

Jimin’s voice was still ringing in my ears. “Hyung, Jungkook…” My next memory was of running like crazy up the hospital steps. The hospital hall had been strangely long and dark. I passed people wearing hospital gowns. My heart pounded. Everyone’s faces were too pale. They had no expressions. They all seemed like dead people. The sound of my breathing was harsh inside my own head.

Inside the slightly opened hospital room door, Jungkook was lying there. I turned my head without realizing it. I couldn’t look at him. At that moment I suddenly heard the sound of a piano, of flames, of a building crumbling down. I clutched my head and sank down. “This is your fault. If it wasn’t for you…” It was my mother’s voice- no my voice- no someone’s voice. At those words I was tormented by countless moments. I wanted to believe it wasn’t so. But Jungkook was lying there. Jungkook was lying in a hall full of corpse like patients passing by, I was utterly unable to go inside. I couldn’t check for myself. When I stood, my legs threatened to give out. I left with tears flowing. It was funny. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had cried.