Stubbornly In Love

(8) Heavy Words, Heavier Regrets

A/N: hello angst my old friend... i'm sorry but i'm not, you know?

Honestly, the alarms that start blaring outside his office are like soft whispers in comparison to the heated debate in his mind. Unfortunately, this means that he ignores them until they're a problem, which he only figures out when Underhill stumbles through the door with a mug of coffee and a panicked expression.

"Alec, I'm sorry to bother you, but I think the guards are going to start fighting if you don't intervene soon."

Alec blinks at him but nods, standing up and tucking his chair in before walking to the door, only to have the mug of coffee handed to him.

Underhill glances over him, clearly taking in his creased shirt and unkempt hair before smiling sympathetically at him. "I think you need this more than I do."

"Thanks," Alec mutters before gulping down almost half the mug, barely noticing how the heat burns both his tongue and the back of his mouth when he swallows.

His boots thud beneath him as he walks to the entrance, where he assumes the commotion is. He's not wrong either, noticing the way there's a row of guards clearly keeping someone from entering. At first, he thinks it's a random mundane with the sight because if it had been anyone with magic or runes, they could have fought their way past, but, when he gets closer, he sees that it's so much worse.

The person trying to get inside isn't retaliating, not because they can't, but because they don't want to fight. Of course.

Alec exhales slowly, gritting his teeth as he does, before starting to move again. The guards notice him almost immediately, no surprise there, but they only split apart when he's standing directly behind them, letting him see that awfully familiar face, the face that haunts both his wildest dreams and his most dreaded nightmares.

"What are you doing here?" Alec asks tiredly, gulping down the rest of the coffee, wincing a little as it burns his mouth once again.

"A cookie," Magnus blurts.

Having expected something more heartfelt, Alec can only blink, squinting at Magnus.

"I need to give you a cookie, it's -"

"I couldn't care less." Alec turns to the guards. "It's okay, I'll talk to him."

Instead of trying to persuade the guards to do anything they've been told not to, he hands one of them the mug – not caring what they'll do with it – and walks outside, briskly brushing past Magnus and hoping that he follows so they can avoid any public arguments.

"What is it? I don't remember assigning' cookie' as a code word for anything so what do you want?" Alec asks once they've walked around the building, folding his arms and leaning against the wall as Magnus stands opposite him awkwardly.

It doesn't suit Magnus to be awkward, he's quite literally the exact opposite, but Alec doesn't comment on it in case he says anything that could show weakness.

"I just want to give you a cookie," Magnus says, his voice softer than melting butter.

Alec sighs tiredly. "I don't want anything from you."

"Alexander..." Magnus looks more concerned than anything else. "Are you doing okay?"

A small laugh escapes him. "Really, Magnus? Am I okay? Do you even have a cookie or was that just a way to confuse me?" Alec knows his voice sounds tired but he can't help it, he's confused and touched and completely unsure of what's he's meant to do.

Magnus seems almost equally as confused but he shakes his head. "No, I have a cookie for you."

"Prove it," Alec says immediately, but regrets it when he realises how heavy those two words are for them; trust had been an integral part of their relationship and to say something like that is akin to losing it entirely.