I wake up. They're there. They always are, they never miss a day. Like a sunset, they never miss a day. They were bright, like the sun, or their sunflowers. They send me a picture everyday, it's routine by now. I pull myself out of bed, I feel heavy. Mentally sick is probably a better term. It always sucks getting up before the sun does, but at least I have Them. Cam is always there to wake me up, just in time. I check my phone, fifteen minutes before school. Why is my bus so early?
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I head on my way to breakfast, I wish my parents would understand what's it's like to have to carry your own weight, along with the sadness from last night. They say "It's not that bad" or "Your so strong. When I was your age i felt excat—-" and then it'd go to static. They constantly lecture me. I just want to make them proud, I mean I thought I was doing good. Guess not, the moment I mess up, they're cussing at me, getting angry. It's all just static at this point. Nothing much left, nothing to save, but besides the point.
This morning my father slammed the washing machine five times, he almost pulled it from the wall. And people wonder why I get scared of loud noises.
On my way to the Auditorium aka home room, I see Cam. Their smile bright as ever, I care for them, I really do. I think they care for me as well, I'm just not sure. I find some kind of pleasure from writing, it's makes everything feel less... less 'static', less busy, would be the right terminology. So as soon as I sit down, I pull out my writing my journal, and it just might happen to be my Spanish notebook.
Home room was trashy, didn't do anything at all, but I guess I'd rather it be that way. Any way, I go to my first block class. Class goes by fast without Cam, they make me so happy.
Block two, gym class. I see him, Shea. I used to love him. Used to. I think he hates me, if he doesn't he forgot I existed. Maybe it's better off this way, he's laughing, why's he laughing? Did I do something. I always do something don't I, god-. My thoughts interrupted, busied by the bell. The bell means freedom, a silver lining, a cloudy day, a starless sky.
I wish this day would end, at least I have english with them. Cam, they make my dark days brighter. They're my rainbow on and rainy day. The cure to the numbness to the static filling my head.
