Sick Boy

Ever since I could remember, watching the leaves fall in my suburb's Park was a peaceful time. Each gold, wrinkled shape slowly finding their paths from the branches of the trees to the grass carpet below them—it always managed to calm me down or clear my mind. There were no kids, no dogs, no people, it was completely barren and only inhabited quiet. I felt that this was the perfect spot to let Nathan know my secret. It was something I'd been dying to tell him for at least a year and a half now. And if I didn't tell him anything and everything, what kind of best friend would I be?

"Hey, Mika, ya loser." I pulled my headphones out from my ears, putting a pause on Samsa and Atlas and turning around from the park bench. "Got your text, what's up?" He dropped his bag to the concrete ground below the bench I was sitting on.

"I... just wanted to talk..." my voice carried from an average sound to a slow murmur beneath my breath. "There are... just some things on my mind." I nodded awkwardly along with my sentence, not daring to make eye contact with the older boy. I felt his balled fist lightly bump my shoulder as he dropped his weight to sit beside my nervous, hunched figure.

"Don't be such a girl," he laughed to himself. "It doesn't suit you."

He was right, it didn't suit me. I felt like staying closed up and being self-conscious about this topic had made my stone heart mellow just a little. Sure, my stature wasn't the most manly and intimidating and I wasn't exactly built like a Greek God, but my stubborness and scowling expression was enough to make Nathan my only friend. I was a confined person, a closed book with chains wrapped around it. But today, I was hopefully graduating from that.

"I'm not being a girl." I shrugged, playing off a small smile. "Is it so wrong for me to want to talk to my best friend?"

He smirked and raised an eyebrow before huffing and shaking his head.

"Go on then, what is it?" He scratched his head and pushed his loose pieces of hair out of his face. "I'm all ears."

It wasn't something to be scared or ashamed of, it wasn't something illegal or dangerous. But the idea of sharing my thoughts with another person was enough to make me choke on air. I wasn't wrong, and I knew this. Yet, my chest still felt tight and as my heart thumped to a continuous and fast beat.

"It's just... for some time now..." I cleared my throat, feeling my face heat up. "I've been feeling strange... towards people." It came out vague and spaced out. I really was taking my time.

"You've been feeling... strange?" His brow was arched and his tone went down a note.

I pursed my lips and blew out air, widening my eyes, not realising how difficult this would really be.

"Okay, don't freak out." He nodded slowly with an unsure expression. "You know that one guy in our chemistry class?" The 'S' sound on the end of 'class' turned into a long imitation of a snake as I tried to figure out what exactly I wanted to come out of my mouth. That, and I was low key panicking.

"Dude, you're gonna have to be more specific than—" I cut him off quickly, not wanting this conversation to go on for hours.

"Nate." His carefree attitude had started to piss me off. This was a big thing for me. Or maybe I was just a little sensitive. At the sudden intensity I'd thrown into the conversation, he shut his mouth quickly. It was then that I said it. "I... am gay." There was a few second pause as my eyes stayed glued to the concrete path before me. I could feel my face becoming hotter and hotter as time passed. "That guy... in chemistry... his name is Kristoph... and I like him. And I have for the past year and a half and I—"

"Wait, wait, wait a minute..." My entire body went stiff. "You're gay?"

I felt my throat choke up as I struggled to keep my heart from palpitating too much. Slowly, I looked up, trailing my eyes from his feet, to his chest, and finally to his eyes. His cold and distant eyes. They were narrowed and his face was scrunched up. He was baring his teeth slightly as he just looked at me, refusing to back down his glare. I, however, suddenly felt inferior and found solace looking at grass rather than my own friend. My breathing somewhat irregulated as I just waited for him to say something, anything.