Jun had just finished his breakfast while he was already cleaning up the dishes, and pots and pans he used that morning. After cleaning them spotless, he dried them until the cloth had become soaked before putting them back to where they belonged. By then, Jun had finished getting ready and was already near the door. However, his friend stopped halfway the open door while the look on his face was trying to tell him something. Kazu rolled his eyes before washing drying his hands on a towel and heading to the piano.
“Don’t worry,” Kazu smiled, “I’ll practice.” After having said so, Jun’s expression was replaced with a relieved one and Kazu couldn’t help but turn around and smiled a little to himself. Once the door finally closed, Kazu started playing with the keys, learning the sounds and the way he felt against his fingers as he played them one by one.
He was a little rusty at first but after a short session with Jun yesterday, he felt a bit confident with his skills. Kazu closed his eyes to recall the time when he had piano lessons as a kid. He only remembered short bits of where the fingers belongs, and the appropriate way to move them across the keys. However, his memories of those days were leading him to the day when Jun’s body flew across the street. Kazu’s eyes snapped open, not realizing he had banged so hard on the piano keys that his hands were turning white.
Kazu stood up from the chair, unable to continue practicing since his hands trembled so bad even if he slipped them in his pockets. Deciding it was best to continue when Jun comes home, he just walked over to the latter’s empty room and trashed himself on the fluffy bed. It smelt so much like Jun, but it was weak until he pressed his nose against the pillow. It was almost like when they were kids when he was always besides his best friend, to hold his hand and smell that familiar fragrance of spring from Jun wafting in the air. Smiling, Kazu snuggled closer to the pillow all memories of the bad past completely forgotten.
“J...” Kazu called as he stared at the pillow, “Did you know? How much it meant to me when you finally woke up after a month? But you probably didn’t since you didn’t know who I was.” Sighing, Kazu slipped himself inside of the blankets and rested his body under the cool sheets.
“But I’m still happy,” He told the pillow, “I’m happy you still choose to stay by my side.”
“J... I think... I think I like you...” He confessed particularly to no one. There, he said it. He didn’t know how he felt like this until he started to remember the horrible past while telling himself he couldn’t live without Jun. He tried it once. He tried to kill himself along with Jun, but he didn’t have the confidence. That same day, he thought that what might happen if Jun were to wake up to the world without him by his side. With this thought in mind, Kazu couldn’t do it.
When finally he woke up, he wanted to tell him he was sorry but the look on Jun’s eyes that day wasn’t meant for him. It was until the doctor told them that Jun had a bad condition of amnesia that he learned Jun doesn’t even know who he was, and what they did. When Jun first called him by Nino instead of Kazu, he was tempted to cry in front of him and tell him to call him by the nickname he liked going by. However, he remained quiet whilst trying his best to help Jun. Nevertheless, he always stuck besides him despite the fact that Jun won’t remember him a few days later and so on.
“J? Can you hear what I said?” He asked the air, hoping that Jun can really hear him. “Well it’s fine if you don’t. I still have you besides me.” He felt like some weight was lifted off of him after finally being able to say what was in his chest; though some weight still remains because he had no confidence to tell Jun. He decided to get out of the bed since he realized that Jun might be home soon. Time was fast when he spent his time on his friend’s bed, but when he was with Jun, time was nothing. Once the bed was fixed, Kazu fixed himself a snack before resuming his piano practice.
