As The Light Flicker

Kabanata 5

Pagkatapos ng cafeteria, I decided to head back to the dorm. Wala naman akong SSG duties today, and for once, parang gusto ko lang umupo sa kama ko, magbukas ng libro, at tumahimik.

The walk back was... peaceful. The sun was already starting to mellow, and there was this warm breeze na parang sinadyang sabayan ang mood ko. Light, almost... hopeful. Yung tipo ng hapon na parang gusto mong i-freeze para tumagal pa nang kaunti 'yung sense of calm.

Bitbit ko ang eco bag kong may lamang leftover fries na binigay ni Andres nung sinabi kong 'di ko na kaya ubusin. Natatawa pa ako nang maalala kong pinilit pa niya akong tanggapin. "Pambihira 'to, fries lang 'yan. Just take it." He said it like it was nothing, pero for me, it meant something.

Pagdating ko sa dorm building, bumati pa 'yung guard. I smiled back. I rarely do, but today felt like an exception. Sa hallway, may ilang estudyanteng nakasalubong ko. Wala akong inexpect, wala akong binuo sa utak ko... just the idea of a quiet room and a soft bed. My keys clinked as I pulled them out of my bag, still twirling the fry bag in my other hand.

Click.

I pushed the door open with my hip, busy wiping my slightly sweaty palms on my skirt. Hindi ko agad tiningnan ang loob. I was humming, inaayos ang suklay sa buhok ko gamit ang mga daliri-

Then I looked up.

Napatigil ako. Literally.

Nandoon si Lucas. Nakaupo sa kama ko. His eyes met mine immediately... sharp, unblinking, assessing.

Parang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig ang batok ko.

My fingers loosened their grip on the bag. Halos malaglag 'yun sa sahig. I blinked once. Twice. Hindi ako makagalaw.

What is he doing here?

"And why the hell are you smiling like a freaking idiot?" malamig niyang tanong. No emotion. Just a sharp edge.

"Wala," I finally said. Simpleng salita, pero ramdam ko ang tibok ng puso ko sa lalamunan.

I stepped inside slowly, and closed the door behind me. Lightly. Parang konting galaw ko lang, may sasabog.

My fingers found my bracelet, twisting it absentmindedly as I avoided his stare. Napansin ko na naman 'yung automatic habit ko... fidgeting. It always came back around him.

I stayed still.

I could feel my heartbeat in my throat, sa temples, sa pulso ng mga daliri kong hindi mapakali. Pinipisil ko ngayon ang laylayan ng blouse ko, alternating from one hand to the other. Kagat labi. Ayoko ng galit. Ayoko ng gulo.

Tahimik si Lucas. Tahimik pero hindi magaan. Yung klase ng katahimikan na parang sinadyang iparamdam na may mali sa'yo kahit hindi mo pa alam kung ano. He wasn't even looking at me anymore... he was on his phone now, scrolling, legs stretched out as if he owned the room.

Then he spoke.

"Magbihis ka."

That was it. No explanation, no softness. Just a command.. bare, cold, final.

I didn't look at him. I couldn't. My body moved on its own, legs carrying me toward the cabinet like I'd been programmed to respond that way. My chest felt tight again, like I was walking into something I couldn't escape.

As I reached for the cabinet door, I rested one hand on the wooden surface while the other fidgeted with the hem of my shirt... gentle, circular motions. It's a habit I've never really grown out of. My version of self-soothing, I guess. Subtle. Almost invisible. But familiar.

I opened the cabinet and stared. My eyes scanned every piece of fabric like I was solving a puzzle. Too short. Too loud. Too plain.

I went with the black dress. Clean silhouette, modest neckline, and fitted just enough. Safe. Elegant. Neutral.