As The Light Flicker

Kabanata 8

TW: SA/Violence

I had just finished fixing myself, hair neatly tucked behind my ears, soft blush on my cheeks, a swipe of tinted gloss. My outfit was simple but refined.. a pale blue button down blouse, dark jeans, my usual flats. The third day of the university fair was starting, and finally, things were falling into place. I allowed myself a breath of ease.

But just as I turned the doorknob, hoping for a calm start when I froze.

Lucas was standing there.

My heart immediately dropped to my stomach.

His hood was up, casting a slight shadow over his face. His eyes were red, unfocused, and he looked... detached. But what unsettled me more was the smell... sharp, bitter, earthy. It clung to his clothes like second skin. Cigarettes, yes. But more than that.

Weeds.

I knew that scent. I'd smelled it before. Too many times from him.

I wanted to shut the door.

But I didn't. Because I never do. Because I couldn't.

Instead, I tightened my grip on the knob, silently hoping he would say something. Anything. But Lucas just stared at me, eyes scanning my face like he was trying to find something he lost. Or something I didn't even owe him.

Then he moved.

Fast.

Without a word, his hands found my waist, and he pulled me in for a kiss... rough, heavy, overwhelming.

I didn't flinch.

I didn't even gasp.

I was used to this.

To him.

This was what he always did... no greetings, no warmth, just a quiet storm of pressure disguised as affection. And still, even though I knew this version of him, the fear never went away.

My fingers instinctively gripped the fabric of his hoodie, not to hold him back, not to pull him closer, just to anchor myself. His lips were cold. Dry. The taste of smoke invaded my mouth. My stomach twisted.

I didn't kiss him back.

My heart began to race in that way it always did around him... not out of love. Out of dread.

I felt the familiar tightness in my chest. The panic crawling its way into my throat. That feeling again, like I was underwater and couldn't quite get enough air.

I stayed still.

Because sometimes, it's easier that way.

Sometimes pretending not to feel anything is the only way to stay safe.

But inside, everything in me was screaming.

Because I didn't want this.

Not like this.

And all I could think of was how different it felt. How quiet and soft it had been just yesterday, sunlight and laughter. And how this... wasn't that. Not even close.

I tried to pull away.

I really did.

But Lucas's grip only tightened around my waist. His arms were firm, and the way he held me... it didn't feel like affection. It felt like possession. My hand pushed gently at his chest, but it was like trying to move stone.

"Lucas..." I whispered, my voice barely escaping my lips.

He didn't hear me. Or maybe he just didn't care.