「ｏｎｅ ｓｉｄｅｄ ｌｏｖｅｓ」 straykids、changbin x hyunjin x felix

ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ 1。

lee felix was your average 18 year old boy, living in Seoul, South Korea, even though he was born raised in Australia. he had transferred here about a year or 2 ago, just don't ask him why. he was in his first year of college, and he was doing 'just fine', he would always say. honestly, felix had been struggling for a while. all of his friends — which weren't more then like 4 or 5 boys and girls from his class — had found their soulmates and seemed hella happy. but felix's world was still black, grey and white. and it did make him sad, but he shouldn't give up.
everyone has a soulmate.

〜〜〜〜

felix let out a deep sigh as he stared in front of him, leaning his head on his right hand. he was in his English lecture, and honestly, it bored him. he was born and raised in Australia, he learned all of this in his 3rd year of elementary school.

but all of his attention suddenly awoke as the door of the classroom opened, a quite small male walked into the classroom with a slight smile on his face. the teacher immediately stopped his conversation with another kid in felix's class to greet the boy. the boy had introduced himself as changbin to the class, and Felix couldn't help but smile. the name sounded so perfect to him.

"you can sit down next to Felix, he's kind, don't worry," the teacher had said, and Felix raised his hand shyly as the teacher talked about him. changbin just nodded at the teacher, smiling as he was on his way to the apparently 'kind' boy. he sat down next to Felix and turned to him, still smiling like before. "hello, my name is changbin.. nice to meet you!" felix just smiled at the boy and nodded his head, "I'm felix," he mumbled, voice deep as always.

Felix reached his hand out, so changbin could shake it. Mumbling a soft, "nice to meet you." but when changbin's soft skin touched felix his small hand, it was like felix's world turned upside down.
the few seconds changbin had touched Felix his hand, felix saw colors. there were all sort of colors, which felix wouldn't be able to explain after. they were beautiful to him, and he'd want to see them forever. but the moment changbin took his hand away, it went back to normal again. Felix widened his eyes, realizing what just happened. he had met his soulmate.

Felix quickly turned his head to changbin, a bright smile on his chubby face. "changbin! did you just see that? d-do you know what that means?" felix exclaimed, cheeks running red from excitement.
But changbin didn't seem too amazed, the boy frowned, his smile from before disappeared.

"saw what?" changbin asked Felix, obviously confused.

And that's when Felix knew, he wasn't average, he had never been. he had a soulmate, just like everyone. changbin was felix his soulmate, but Felix wasn't changbin's soulmate. Felix would suffer from one sided love for the rest of his life.

Felix decided to just leave everything behind him for now, and just try and become friends with changbin. in which he succeeded easily. the boy was funny, and sweet, but also quite handsome in his opinion. it was his soulmate after all.
But after school, felix had ran home, tears prickling in his eyes. he felt bad, very bad, why did this have to happen to him? As if life wasn't hard enough on him already.

that night felix had cried himself to sleep, overthinking about how his future would be like. he wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with someone, he wouldn't be able to love someone else then changbin, and all he could do was worry. worrying about what could possibly happen to him.

all felix could think about was the fact that his depression might start to come back — well, it never left —, become active again. and that's what scared him most, because the one time he almost lost it all; really scarred him.

felix let out a choked sob as he typed in his aunts number, hand shaking, and vision blurry because of his tears. this was it, he was going to end his life. all his hard work, all his praying, nothing worked. so why continue living like this? but of course, his aunt wouldn't pick I up, so he spoke in a voice message, hear hurting as he did so.

"h-hiya auntie! i-i just wanted to call you to tell you something very important, and- say good bye," Felix started, voice wavering as he desperately tried not to cry out loud. "I'm going to end it all, auntie. It's over for me now. but I want you to know, that I truly, really love you! Thank you for all the times you took care of me when dad hurt me again! or when kids in my class would push me, you'd also take care of me! just thank you in general, for being my mom when I most needed you to." felix said, thick, ugly tears streaming down his red cheeks. his aunt always took felix home when his father had hurt him again, and that's why they moved to Korea in the end. "I-I really love you, auntie. and I don't want you to be sad about this, be-because I'm going home, okay? love ya!" felix ended the call and sighed loudly. he had taken some pill, which would kill him after about 10 minutes. he had taken it 13 minutes ago, and Felix was scrolling through his gallery, looking at old pictures of his and his sister and aunt. suddenly, he felt something burning in his chest, and he was sure it wasn't the thing that was going to kill him. was it.. regret? after looking at the pictures of him and his aunt, he suddenly regretted a bit. how could he leave them after all?

Felix let out a loud scream and dropped his phone, running to the bathroom as he felt his fingertips starting to tingle. "I can't die!" He screamed loudly before hanging his head above the toilet, sticking his small fingers in his throat, as deep as possible until he threw up, and threw up. about 4 times, till he was sure everything's empty.

That was 2 years ago, and after that felix had promised himself to never do something like that again. but he was sure, his depression would come back to him.