I am empty

I grew up not knowing what it was like to be a kid. I grew up not knowing the fun of having friends. I grew up not knowing the joy of loving parents. I grew up to nothing but yelling and fighting. I grew up being constantly scolded. 

"Taemin, a B?! Don't you want us to be happy? Why must you shame us?"

"Work till you pass out if you must, you must be perfect." 

Perfect is what they wanted. A robot. Do everything they say, no flaws. 

"No food until you play the song correctly." 

I gave them everything, my happiness, my dreams, even at times my body..

My dad ran a underground business for extra money, even though he didnt need it. We were spoiled rich, I mean how else would we have afford swimming, dancing, French, singing, piano and shooting lessons. My parents wanted me to be perfect at everything. 

This business isnt legal. I remember the first time he started it. I was the main source for this business.

"taemin come down to the basement." 

My short little nine year old self ran over to the basement stairs. I always rush when daddy calls, its not good to keep him waiting. I go down the stairs and see my dad sitting on chair, next to a mattress on a floor.

This is strange, we never go in the basement its usaully a extra storage place. 

I shiver, its cold down here. 

"Yes?" I hope he doesnt make me rehearse what I learnt in dance class today, I dont have it all down yet. 

"Come here son." My dad motions me to come to him.

I obey like the good little boy I am and walk to my father.

"Do you know why I called you down here taemin?" My father asks me, his hand on my shoulder.

I shake my head, "no"

My dad nods his head slightly and grins. "good, good." 

"Have a seat on the mattress taemin." 

I do. I scrunch up my nose, it smells funny. I want to ask dad why we are down here, but he gets angry when people ask questions, silly ones at that. My questions are always silly, so when I do aks he slaps me outside the head.

My dad reaches into his pocket and takes out his flip phone, he dials someones phone number and waits for them to answer.

"He's here." He says quietly then hangs up. 

I tilt my head. Was he talking about me? 

I look up at the stairs because someone is now walking down them. 

It's jung! My fathers friend. Jung is my favorite he always sneaks me candy when my parents arnt looking and always plays hide and seek with me. 

I smile at jung , showing how happy I was to see him. Right when I was about to say hello my father says to jung to lock the door behind him.

Why do we need to lock the door?

"Come quickly, my wife doesnt come home until 6:00 its 4:30 now." My dad says. 

Jung comes down the stairs faster, when he reaches the floor he looks at me and smiles."

"Hi taemin" 

I nod my head to jung, smiling ear to ear. 

I look to my dad next to me and see him take out his wallet, He puts his hand out waiting for jung to give him somthing- money.