From Betrayal Comes Love {INCOMPLETE}

Chapter 1 : The Journey

This story is one of the many reasons I wanted to commit suicide, my name is Amanda, I live in Chicago with my mother Patrice, my stepfather Michael and my grandmother Locila. My father was never involved in my life, my mother always told me stories about him, and how he left and whenever I stress on the topic of asking ''Mom, can I please contact my father?'' Always with tears in my eyes, she would ignore me or just simply walk away.

 Did I mention? I'm 14 years old, and my entire life has been NOTHING BUT FAILURE, I've tried, my best all my life to hold my deepest secret in, it has taunted me, given me extremely terrifying nightmares, has caused me to feel insecure about myself and my body. And the hardest of them all I've coped with, were my late night thoughts on suicide. I've written many, many pages of what I've been going through, it's in my private journal I've kept since I was since seven (when most of it began.)  No one in my household has ever found my journal, at times I'd hide it so well, I cant find it! Crazy right? But shush , don't tell my mom. 

I've never liked my stepfather, he'd always give me this harsh, parent look when he's around my mom. And when he's on his own he smiles as bright as a star around. It's almost like, he likes to see me, but who knows, it could be all in my head. I've heard my grandmother many times say my mother is just marrying Michael because she wants to get over my father. But if she says my father was such a ''bad guy,'' towards us, why would she get over him that fast enough to get engaged within 4 months? It's just everything's been so confusing to me, lately. I need clearance.

With that being said, school goes okay for me, except for the fact that I'm bullied everyday, and whenever I try to eat lunch, I'm always being pranked, with either milk being poured on my head, or fake spiders being thrown in my shirt, causing me to freak out, then where's my lunch? You may ask? All over the floor, yeah school life's going great. I've made three friends all my school years, and i'm a SOPHMORE, doesn't really make it suprising, knowing that i'm not very popular at school, I mean, AT ALL! My three friends' names are : Monique, Toisha & Vivian. They've been the BESTFRIENDS ever to me! From going to church lessons together, then straight to walking up flights of school stairs, to waste about 9 pages worth of algebra. We've come such a long way. 

Recently, you can say, this has been the hardest part in my life, I'm seeing an at school therapist for 5 days, in school and I have to spend my Saturdays and Sundays , not doing face masks with Monique, but at her very cold office. I had a mental breakdown in class because one of my illusions kept following me, and I could not resist. I screamed to the top of my lungs, which I bet was pretty disturbing for others. Monique and Toisha were in my class, at that time I felt so scared, yet embarrassed.