Utterly alone and lost in a world all her own, she sat on her bathroom floor with a razor in her hand. The closer it got to her skin the better she felt. She remembered this feeling. She remembered the way it felt. The cold blade pressing against her skin, and the warmth from her blood coming to greet her. She remembered it all. The blade in her hand was inches from skin now. She was ready to be lost. To be found and not ever come back. She was ready.
A sound from across the room startled her. She reached up, looked at her phone and threw on a fake smile. Someone had messaged her but she felt she was to far gone for conversations now. She put the razor down, intending to pick it back up after opening the message. Her fingers typed in her pass code and a bright Twitter screen appeared. She opened the message and a real smile spread across her face for the first time in a long time.
"May I call you gorgeous?", that's all it took. She quickly typed her answer back and waited on a reply. It continued like that for half an hour and soon she had forgotten all about the cold, bitter blade on the floor. This person had given her something to look forward to in the morning. She put her phone up after saying good night. She had never felt this way. It was foreign and strange, but she liked it.
That girl in the bathroom floor was me. I was ready to go. I was ready to leave it all behind. Until the love of my life stepped in to take away the blade. She didn't physically take the blade from my hand, but she gave me a reason to put it down. She had genuinely called me gorgeous and had given me something to look forward to. I slept that night with a smile on my face. I woke up the next morning, rushed to my phone, eager to start another conversation with this angel. Little did I know then she would be the love I had always hoped for.
My phone screen lit up as it turned on and there, waiting for me, was a message from this girl I did not know, but the girl who had saved me. I was beyond happy, and it was real happiness. We talked all day, about the kind of music we like to silly things like our favorite colors. Everything felt right.
We continued talking like this for a month it seems, and I was quickly falling in love with this girl. She knew more about me then anyone. She made me feel like there was more to this life than a blade and a cold bathroom floor. The first time I told her that I loved her was everything I expected a first love to be. My heart was jumpy and it skipped beats. I was happy. The feeling I got when she said it too, was indescribable.
Skype was a very helpful thing in our short, complicated relationship. Being 12 hours away from each other was the hardest part. We would Skype and all I could do was look at her. She was beautiful in her own way. She'd never admit it, but I knew she was. Short blonde/brown hair, blue eyes, a smile that lit up her whole face. She had the best personality, goofy and funny. She always had me laughing. I could tell she was broken though, having been cheated on and hurt, she was broken. This girl sitting in front of me on my computer screen did not deserve that. She deserved the whole world, and if she wanted more, she deserved that too.
She gave me a Fourth of July, setting off fireworks with her friends, and Skyping with me the whole time. Everything with her was perfect. We wrote letters to each other, just random stuff at first and then I sent her a very long letter. This letter told her everything. I had never told her about the night she messaged me until then. When she read it, she cried. She knew I was in love with her. That I always would be.
Skipping forward to just a couple of days ago, I got a phone call. She was stressed and I could tell. We talked for a bit and then she told me she was not in love with me, but still in love with her ex-girlfriend. I wanted to rip my heart out. She loved me, I could tell but it's different to be in love and love someone. I just knew I was losing her. She promised me I would never lose her, that she would always be there for me. She was my best friend. We continued talking and for that time, everything was alright. We were still together and I was going to fight to make her fall in love with me.
Yesterday morning, I woke up sick. I slept pretty much the whole day and barely got to talk to her. The text message I woke up to was devastating. She was breaking up with me because she couldn't pretend like she wasn't still in love with her ex. I didn't want to lose her. I couldn't. She assured me that no matter what happened she would always be there for me.
No love is ever lost if you chose to believe it. If you love someone then everything is worth it. So, you may believe I'm crazy, but to me she is worth everything. So I intend to fight for her. She deserves someone good and someone who would never hurt her. I would never hurt her. I will fight for her until I cannot fight any longer, and even then I will push myself to fight harder. Because she is worth it.
No love is ever lost, it simply just wanders off. If the love you feel is true, then you will always find your way back together. When someone comes between your love, you fight, because they are worth it.
