Open up and look around for God
I grow among the wild thorns and berries; you tread your path and destroy my forest, my home, my life.
and i don't have any choice but to accept. i can't do anything but walk in circles. my mind is loosely tethered to my body, and it's dead set on escaping and getting free
my fingers are numb, my jaw aches, my words don't come out the way i need them too and you don't get it, you don't understand, you can't understand because i don't and your solutions are adding to the problems that aren't there. it's something small. it's something fragile. it wilts and withers under your touch and i don't want you to see, to hear, to be able to feel it, and i'm snapping my teeth and punching and trying to protect it while you try to peel away its layers and find its core.
but there isn't anything there. there's no deep meaning. there's no soul, no core, no middle. there's nothing there. your plight is endless and useless and you're walking circles like i am, except yours are wider and looser and around me, like a predator first finding out how to stalk her prey, and i don't like it
what it is is mine, and broken, but protected and small and even without the core its something. it means something to me. i created it with my own two hands, calloused and blistered and shaking, and held it close and dear to keep it safe. you had no need to find it, or see it, or touch it, and you had no right to get mad when i bit back.
did you?
or am i wrong? am i wrong, because it's secretly bad for me, silently sapping away at what i am and draining me and killing me slowly? or is it small and fragile because it wants the pity, to play the fool, to take my heart? what is it that you want? why wont you tell me? why are you so desperate to make your circle neat and walk around me and prod me like until i tire?
i'm already tired. my legs are shivering and shaking from overexertion and my mouth wont open from how bad the pain in my jaw is. i want to use the last of what i have to break the tether and set some part of me free.
but i can't do that, not with you rounding on me, taking it and plucking it like a flower of its petals, asking questions with no answers and tightening the leash. you took my forest. you took my home. and you made me stay in the aftermath, to walk circles in the dirt and ash, and you circle me and hope i will be compliant.
i wont.
