How can I?

When you left

"Wild horses chased each other recklessly in the howling wind and dribbling rain. Shivering, I huddled under a pine tree, imagining your arms around me. My empty heart, numbed as the day ticked on. Pines, caught in my hair and clothes. Urging myself to not feel scared, the rain layered over the drowning grass. Feeling trapped in a room with no door, I stroked my stomach like you used to do to me. The feeling you gave me wasn't conjured though. Feeling lost, tears began to tremble down my face. My hair blew in the wind, almost like you used to play with with it. Loneliness caved in. I know who I want. Trebling with an empty heart. Crying waterfalls with the fear of not having you. Abundantly you made me smile. Wanting to run but staying, I picture you taking my hand and pulling me to your side, to gaze hopefully to the shooting stars. This was the bed I chose to make.

A door closed in my face, just as yours opened to me. racing to be held by you, screams were open fired behind me.You eased my weeping heart, offering me to be with you. Sunrise after sunsets we shared our love and wasted each day to be together. Until one sunrise a knock changed our love. You were leaving in two days to go to war for 9 weeks. Pleading for you not to go you reassured me of letters. Objecting for that not being enough, you yelled "This is your bed to make, leave me and be with someone who can be with you 100% or stay with a man who can only be there 30%!" Tearfully I wrapped myself around you calling you an idiot for thinking I would ever leave you.Playing with me hair you ordered me to pack a bag for a night out.

Walking with an arm around each other we laughed, taking in every moment as it was going to be our last for some time. As we approached a pine tree, you continuously pointed to reckless running wild horses. Reaching the bottom of the pine tree you took in many deep breaths, enhancing its gracious sent. We lay on a pick-nick blanket looking to the sky and waited for the starry night. Whilst you stroked my stomach, you whispered sweet lyrics into my ear

"We can run with the wild horses,

Recklessly loving like I'm longing to,

With the wind in our hair,

I wish we could run with the wild horses."

A happy, loved feeling was made in my stomach as we wasted each shooting star on our love.

Eating breakfast, I told you, you have my heart and I wish for you to protected by the Angles above us. hugging me you whispered

"you have to face your fear and learn not to be scared." Tearful, I hugged you with all my heart. You carried me to the sofa, settled me in and kissed my cheek. Embracing our last moment, I pulled you in for another hug. parting us you rose and made your way to the door, lifting a hand and waving, you left. You left me in tears of fear, not moving, eating or sleeping for days, with out stopping tears flew down my face like a hose in a garden.

My lonely heart weep ed for your touch; for your soothing words. My imagination was weak, but my sight was strong. Our picture album rested on my lap. Turning after every hour I begged for you return. Lifting my head to the door as I repeated your lyrics, an urge to meet you at your pine tree overcame my mourning. I packed a bag and began making my way to your tree.

I'm waiting for you. I want you to be here., Why did you have to go? Your all I have. Face fear, with out being scared. I fear you parting my world. How can I not be scared? How can I? No one can put my heart to ease but you. Living is to hard for me without you. Come home. Please.

As I sat under the pine tree I remembered our first meeting; a country barn dance festival, you and I were partner-less, so you asked me to dance. We have carried on dancing through our life together ever since. Now though you have forgotten the steps. We have stopped. I am still waiting for you to come back. Whilst counting the days you have been gone, two horses gal-ope into the sunset together. Changing this image in my head to be us, I realize that you have been gone for 6 weeks, yet I have had no letters.Tears slipped rapidly down my cheeks, feeling petrade, I got up and made my way towards your house. Our home.

Racing up the stairs, the postman walked solemnly past. Bursting into the house, I co-laps. You still aren't here. Mourning I open the letters in the post box, No, no, no, no, yes! Jumping gleefully onto the sofa I open the letter. Shaking, I fell to the floor. Screaming, I curled up and rocked backwards screaming "Lies! You aren't gone! I don't believe it! No, no, no, no!" Tears flooded my sight, Trying to get up but falling back to my knees. Failing to breath I lay on my back gazing at the ceiling, forcing myself to imagine you beside me. You would be stroking my stomach. Kissing my cheek. Telling me you will fix it. No! Your gone now. How can you?! How can I? Whipping my cheeks with my quivering hands. I shook violently like an earthquake. No sign of stopping.

Rolling onto my stomach, I inhale the clear air. I crawled to the front door, used the handle to haul myself up. Whipping my cheeks again, I began sprinting. Gaining speed the further away from home I got. Without looking back I made my way to the pine tree.

Horses ran to the tree. Along side them I was running. The closer we got the less horses there were. Once I was under the pine tree I turned rapidly to see a Horse Inhale deep breaths smoothly. It came closer to me. I placed my icy hands on its main, a resemblance of your hair was in its main. Looking into its eyes, I see you. Leaning on the pine tree the horse lied in front of me.

In my abandoned heart a comfort feeling settled in, just like the stars in the clear night sky. Stroking the horses main, I settle by its side, and swiftly dose of to a deep sleep.

Waking to see the sun rise, I look down- patting the main of the horse still. Its head rolling one side to another. I think about your lyrics.

"We can run with the wild horses,

Recklessly loving like I'm longing to,

With the wind in ou hair,

I wish we could run with the wild horses."

I sang to myself proudly for stilling having part of you left in me. The horse rose almost instantly once it was finished, it began to gallop away. "Stop! Don't leave me!" I screamed with tears forcing themselves down my face.

Wild horses chased each other recklessly in the howling wind and dribbling rain. Shivering, I huddled under a pine tree, imagining your arms around me. My empty heart, numbed as the day ticked on. Pines, caught in my hair and clothes. Urging myself to not feel scared, the rain layered over the drowning grass. Feeling trapped in a room with no door, I stroked my stomach like you used to do to me. The feeling you gave me wasn't conjured though. Feeling lost, tears began to tremble down my face. My hair blew in the wind, almost like you used to play with with it. Loneliness caved in. I know who I want. Trebling with an empty heart. Crying waterfalls with the fear of not having you. Abundantly you made me smile. Wanting to run but staying, I picture you taking my hand and pulling me to your side, to gaze hopefully to the shooting stars. This was the bed I chose to make.

"We can run with the wild horses,

Recklessly loving like I'm longing to,

With the wind in our hair,

I wish we could run with the wild horses.""

Taking a deep breath to recover myself, I glanced around the solemn room and left the alter. I took my finale look at his coffin as I wasn't going to be able to cope with the pain of him being lowered to the death driven ground.

"So long my love" I whispered under my breath and with that, I left with sorrow eyes on me.