For all I care. Avengers x reader

4

There was silence only broken by your occasional sniffle, both of you soaking in the situation,

"You need to come on the mission" Bucky said in a determined voice

You shook your head, you didn't think you could bear seeing him again, the pain he put you through was unbearable, you would much rather forget it

"Y/n after what he did to you.." Bucky trailed off

You were still silent

"It needs to be done, it's your job"

"My job? My fucking job?!" You scoffed and stood up, walking to your desk and leaned both your hands on it, your back facing Bucky "he had been in my head for years, tortured me past the brink of insanity, you asked what he did to me? You want to know the full fucking extent of it?!" Your voice rose to a shout

"Y/n - "

"No! You don't understand! The program I was on was different to yours! They have weaselled their way into my head, ever time I close my eyes I see them, and I feel the pain they put me through! I was strapped down to a table, ripped apart and put back together again while I What still conscious! What worse have they done to me?! Oh I don't know! How about run through with a sword? Check! How about electrocuted?! Check! What about having my goddam mouth sewn shut!? Oh yeah I remember that! Poisoned?! Many a times! Have you ever fucking seen me without wearing a long sleeved shirt?!" You took of your hoodie and Bucky gasped at the patchwork of scars running up and down your arms "brandished?!" You pointed to a scar " yep! Injected?! sure! My fucking arm ripped off and sewn back on while I was forced to just lay there?! Of course! I still can't remember my life before that! I don't know if I had a family! Or a life! I though maybe they would come back! But no! That's not my luck is it?! I resisted for eleven years! Eleven fucking years!" You voice has risen to a scream as tears came cascading down your face

"Eleven?" Bucky asked, looking at you wide eyed

"I was just just a child" your voice now only a whisper

You collapsed to your knees and put your head in your hands and violently sobbed

"Oh my god" Bucky whispered and he rushed to your side and pulled you into a hug, you were freezing but Bucky didn't care - because of course you were right, he had had no idea the extent of what you had gone through

This was the first time you could remember ever hugging someone, you wrapped your arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder, your tears soaking his shirt

"I'm so sorry, so sorry" he whispered

You pulled away and put your head back in your hands

"I'm weak" you cried

"No y/n, you are so so strong, to have resisted that long -" Bucky paused barely able to register to pain you must have gone through

"You are far stronger than I could ever imagine. Y/n I know it's upset you, am I'm sorry, but now more than ever, you need to go on this mission, you need closure, you need to do this - "

He took hold of your face and forced you took look at him in the eyes

"- For you"

A determined look suddenly spread over your tear stained face, he was right, you had to do this, you would find him - and he would be sorry.