My Name Is Zayn And I Want You Niall Horan. [Ziall&Larry AU]

Chapter 13: Failures

~A couple months later~

~Zayn's P.O.V. ~

It's been a couple months now and it's finally vacation time but it's not summer vacation though just a break the seniors get we when theyre going to graduate. Well I guess I should explain to you now Niall and I technically but not really at the same time broke up because I was jealous. It's basically all fault damn I hate my goddamn stupid ass self so damn much. I basically told him to shut the fuck and go date Aiden instead of me. He just ran away in tears I didn't give him an answer to why he should shut the fuck up and date Aiden. I'm in a deep depression right now everyday I feel myself getting weaker and weaker until I can't get any weaker. I tried to go out and find someone but I couldn't no one could compare to Niall. And I mean no one could even come close to Niall. I grew even more depressed I drank more, I smoked more, I used the blade even more now, I was slowly dying on the inside and probably on the outside too. I literally had so may cuts I decided to make a design. On my left wrist 'Niall' and on the right wrist '4ever'. 

I really don't give two fucking shits on how this effects my life it's already ruined I'm just waiting for that one day where I cut to deep and do nothing about it because I don't have what's most important to me. Niall. I know I have to do something to get him back and soon before I kill myself.

~Niall's P.O.V.~

I dont know what my relationship even is between me and him anymore. I refused to say his name for the past couple of months. These months I've been just a mess I've been crying daily so i took Liam's adivice to drink water every hour. And eat as much as I can. Wait! Why did Liam have to tell Bottomless pit Niall to eat? Oh yea thats right I stopped eating the problem that happened a couple years ago. I thought I was fat, ugly, a disgrace to the human race, I wanted to be skinny like everyone else. No one knew except for Louis and Liam and I plan to keep it like that. OH GOD!! That's probably why he told me to shut the fuck up and go date Aiden. He didn't want my ugliness anymore Damn I knew I was good for nothing. Hmm 6 o'clock at night already time to drink my water and eat my apple. But y'know not having an apple won't kill me, right. I hope so. It wouldn't matter anyway.It's a good thing my family is on vacation in America right now it's a very very VERY beautiful country but I just wasn't emotionally prepared for a vacation but maybe being home alone also wasn't the best thing to do. I have anxiety sadly another thing I have to add on list of 'What is wrong with me.'

"I-I just c-can't go on"........and I collapsed probably from exhaustion. Or lack of food or dehydration,anorexia, the anxiety finally got to me maybe....it could be anything really I don't know or care for that matter I just wanna lay here and die but I didn't wanna die without Zayn but y'know what nothing you can do about it now....

Goodbye cruel world for a second I loved you but now i wish I never experienced you.....

'CLICK CLICK'

Oh great perfecting timing for someone to come open my front door and come in now isn't it? 

I can't do anything right I can't even kill myself right. I'm just-"Niall where are you?" Wait I know that voice just need to open my eyes but my eyelids they're just to heavy. "OPEN OPEN OPEN YOU'RE EYES DAMNIT!" I was chanting in my head. All I could do was squint my eyes to see Zayn he looked different like his usual tan skin looks pale, he looks like he hasn't slept in days with the way his eyes usual soft brown eyes looked gray & dull and the bags under his eyes, and the stubble on his face he obviously hasn't shaved in quit a while either. 

I feel my eyes closing again and I fall into a deep sleep the sat thing I see is Zayn's face full of worry. Nice going Niall why do you make all your loved ones worry? 

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I had no idea I could write like this.... But yea in the beginning I said I was going to add angst and in the early chapters I didn't think it was angsty so how about this? :)