Hurt, Heartbreak, and Realizations

one

I remember that day. I wore a new sweatshirt I bought. Bright yellow and happy. I came over and we were laughing and relaxing snuggled up in your twin sized bed that was definitely too small for your tall self.

I remember you saying that you wanted to talk and so we sat up and I asked you if everything was okay and you just blurted out the words "I'm sorry." I knew where it was heading. I remember feeling like I had been punched in the stomach and I whispered the words "no."

you went on to say you weren't happy and that you wanted to be happy and alone for awhile. at this point i was full on sobbing cause i didn't know what to do. i just could not believe that this was actually happening to me. to us.

in the end i handed over the key to your peanut butter colored room and with one last kiss on the cheek and salty tears streaming down my face i left. I told your mom who was home and saw my state and she hugged me and told me things would be alright and I really wanted to believe her in that moment but i didn't have it in me to do so.

I ended up driving about 15 minutes out of town with blurry eyes and tears streaming and I remember the feeling of my soul being summoned out of my body. it was like everything that i was happened to be grasped between your fingers and when you told me i didn't make you happy you wrapped your fingers around my heart and soul and crushed it without trying to.

 you don't realize the damage you caused.