The Bachelor

#5. The Secret

18th February, 12:00pm, Irani Residence, Mumbai.

Shit! Jeff, can you believe it? You actually won!

How was it possible? Out of the thousands of names, that were placed in the ballot, to choose contestants for 'The Bachelor', the organisers picked mine?

I never expected to get selected!

I was just out with my girl gang. We had decided to go on a shopping spree since our exams were over! However, our shopping plan came to an abrupt end, when all my friends noticed a lucky draw contest...one which could win you a spot of a contestant in India's first season of 'The Bachelor'. When my friends came to know that the suitor for this season was Manik Malhotra, they completely lost it!

I understood why...who wouldn't? Manik Malhotra was every girl's dream man! He was rich, excruciatingly handsome and his devil-may-care attitude was a complete hit among the ladies!

So, obviously, my friends wasted no time in registering their names for the contest! Since all of them were doing it, I didn't want to stick out like a sore thumb...so I registered mine as well.

I didn't think I would actually win!

Manik was every girl's ideal man...just not mine! Frankly speaking, I didn't even know if my 'ideal man' even existed!

I had never really been interested in boys...

Ever since I was a teenager, my friends had routinely fawned over the so called 'hot' boys of our school. However, I had never considered them sexually attractive even though I faked such feelings in front of others. Yes, they were cute and I got along with them, but it was always as friends! When a boy finally asked me out in eleventh grade, I should have been happy! Instead all I felt was fear and tension! Like something bad was happening! I obviously rejected him, but this was a wake-up call for me...

Until then, I had just pushed my disinterest in boys aside and never really thought about it...but it finally dawned on me...what if...what if I wasn't normal?

What if...I actually...liked girls?

The idea scared the shit out of me! I desperately wanted it to be untrue but one couldn't change what nature had planned for them!

When my best friend in school-Aditi-was finally asked out by a boy, all I could feel was frustration and jealousy! It was at that moment that I realized that I had actually been harbouring feelings for her, which she obviously didn't reciprocate!

My worst nightmare was coming true!

I had struggled with my abnormality for many years! I desperately wanted to change myself, but it seemed impossible!

In a country like India, where everyone was dogmatic in their outlook towards society, I knew that I'd never be accepted! I had never spoken of it to my family members and kept it absolutely hidden from everyone around me. I felt like I was cheating each and every one of them by doing so!

But I didn't have a choice!

I had entered my name in the contest, due to peer pressure and I had landed up in a big soup because of it! I had got a chance to acquire something that other girls would kill for!

I stared at the contract before me, and debated whether to sign it yet again!

The money was undoubtedly good, but I wasn't sure whether to participate...

There was a tiny hope in my heart-that I could still fix myself!

Was it possible for me to be cured? Well if a guy as handsome as Manik Malhotra couldn't change me...then I guess no one could. Maybe if I did get married to him...I'd finally be normal.

I wouldn't have to feel so ashamed of myself anymore!

I had to try to change...if not for myself...then at least my parents! I couldn't subject them to any sort of humiliation!

With these thoughts in my head, I finally picked up the pen on the table and signed the contract.

Dear God, please let this decision not be a mistake...