Mirrors

1. Show Me How to Fight for Now

Kaycee

They say keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. I don't have enemies. At least I thought I didn't. I kept my friends close and tried to welcome those that needed a place to stay. A place to feel included and safe.

But it's part of life, right? There's some things we just learn the hard way and now I will forever be jaded. Jaded by what is the truth and what is a lie only mirrored as the truth to gain something.

I was led to believe that the universe gives back to you tenfold of what you put out. I might have done something along the way for the universe to break my heart into a million microscopic pieces that I don't know where to start to put the pieces back together.

Dancing with him, being around him, use to bring me so much joy. Though dancing with him still brings me joy, it's more bittersweet. The rest? Well, most of the time sans dancing, I am struggling to breathe. Struggling to stay sane and not question the higher power what I have done wrong.

To deserve so much pain.

How can one person cause me so much pain without even knowing?

Maybe it's because you've mastered the art of hiding that pain behind your smile.

It's been months, and the pain is just getting worse.

I look outside the double pane windows. What I see shatters my heart into a million more pieces as I watch my best friend admire the stars with another girl.

We use to do that all the time.

Now, I'm the stranger in the outside looking in, and it feels like we've drifted apart.

I let out a sad sigh, willing the tears to not fall as I feel a familiar and comforting arm wrap around my shoulder.

Sarah.

"He'll come around, Kaycee. Don't give up. For our sake, please." I look up at the pair of kind brown eyes staring back at me full of love and hope. I cover her left hand that's gripping my shoulder with my own, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"You know, I should've listened to you and Serris. And Tahani." I tell her regretfully, my eyes I know are red rimmed at this moment. This pain is getting too much, and I'm suffocating.

I need to breathe.

Fuck. I need to get out of here.

I search frantically for Tahani, ignoring all the other faces currently at this get together. Honestly, I don't even know why I bothered to come here. Nothing feels the same, but everything is familiar to me - having spent countless of times in this home for the past few years.

This use to feel like my second home. Now, I just feel like a guest visiting for the first time. Well, at least when they're around.

I look around again. Miya and Serris send me a look of concern and my heart swells a little. At least there's still some people in this family that cares. I give them a sad reassuring smile, my heart feeling empty and heavy at the same time.

How is that even possible?

Suddenly, I feel warmth as Tahani wraps her arms around my waist. "Don't let her win, Kaycee. You're stronger than that." She squeezes my middle as she looks up at me. My ride or die. I don't think her encouragement is enough this time though.

Exhaling quietly, I whisper out an "I need to get out of here before I break, Tahani. Please." I look down at her pleadingly and only see understanding in her eyes.

"Okay, baby girl. But please, say goodbye to everyone first, yeah?" She asks me as we make our way to his mom and sisters.

"Kaycee, leaving so soon?" Miya asks, concern still evident in her eyes. It's like she's projecting for some force for me to stay, but at this moment, I have no strength left. I hear Serris and Sarah both whisper a "Please don't go," so only Tahani and myself can hear.