Have you ever blamed you're destiny so bad for being so unlucky when it comes to your lovelife?Because here i am again for this scenario
I stared at the man of my dreams as he laugh infront of a sophisticated woman.her waist was wrapped by brenn's arm, it was a crowded ,noisy and smoky place and the people were so wild pero patuloy parin ako sa paglakad papalapit sa lalaking halos isang buwang hindi nagpakita saakin. He was laughing when he noticed me in his peripheral eye view
My heart is twitching painfully inside my chest, i wanted to cry and scream infront of him. but i stayed calm and strong "its okay avi, you're gonna be okay after this" i heard myself murmur as i tried to be fine.
He looks shocked but remain in his cold stare. His lips rose and he started to walk as i stopped walking towards him.He's now infront me with that woman behind him, I'm in the middle of the dance floor and surrounded by wild people. He stared at me and wait for me to speak up
" C'can we talk,Alone?" I asked him in stuttering tone
"For what?" Mataray na sagot ng babae "Why it has to be in private?Tanong niya sabay kawit ng kanyang kamay sa kaliwang braso ni brenn
"It's not about your business,please stay out of this" i demanded , She grinned and lift her hand and about to slap me,I closed my eyes and wait for her hand to land on my cheeks
"Enough Aubrey" Saway niya, saka binawi ang kamay nito at ibinaba. He looks at me and hold my wrist at saka hinila palayo doon
"Brenn! Wha--" she groaned as she realized that brenn didn't listen. Siksikan pero walang pakialam si brenn kung nakakabunggo kami ng tao, hinayaan ko siyang hilahin ako
Dinala niya ako sa parking lot at saka hinarap, He sighed and caress his face and then he pinched the bridged of his nose.
"What happened to us brenn?" I asked him, i'm about to burst out. Gusto kong umiyak pero ayokong ipakita sakanya yon, i missed him so much i wanna hug him but i don't know if i still have a right to do it
"Aviana, this isn't working" wait,what? what isn't working? i wanna asked him but i chose to remain silent, feeling ko sasabog ako at magccrack boses ko kapag nagsalita ulit ako
Ilang minuto akong tahimik at nakayuko hindi ko siya kayang titigan ng matagal dahil baka hindi ko na kayanin,i breath out heavily saka ulit sinubukan magsalita
"Is it because i refused giving myself to you that night?" I can't believe nasasabi ko to sa harap niya, pero totoo naman simula nung gabing yun na tinanggihan ko siya bigla nalang siyang naging cold sakin at hindi na sumagot sa calls and messages ko. Obviously he only wants sex from me, but i didn't mind it umasa parin ako sakanya. Umasa parin ako na nakinig siya sa paliwanag ko na hintayin muna naming makasal kami bago gawin ang bagay na yon, Naging kampante ako sakanya kasi akala ko siya na. i was wrong, He's not a type of person na papasok sa matinong relasyon. Nakita ko na yon dati pa pero nabulag ako sa pagmamahal ko sakanya, akala ko iba siya he was my fourth ex boyfriend to be, lahat sila nagtapos din sa ganito. Hindi na ako nadala
"Ofcourse not avi" he answered in guilt, dahilan ng pag angat ko nang tingin sakanya.
"So what's the reason?"i stared at him
"I'm getting married" deretchahan nyang sagot.
Nagbaba ako ng tingin.hindi ko na napigilan pang lumabas ang mga luha ko dahil kusa silang nagsipag labasan,hindi ko na siya inusisa pa dahil malinaw naman saakin ang mga narinig ko. i feel like my heart being stab for a thousand times, ang sakit sakit.My knees are shaking and i feel like anytime bibigay ako
"Did you ever loved me?" i asked, i squatted dahil tuluyan nang bumigay ang nanginginig kong tuhod,i can't even stopped my tears from falling, Ano ba self hindi ba sabi ko sayo wag mong ipakita sakanyang nasasaktan ka? Ano na? Kulang nalang ay lumuhod ako sa harap niya sa sobrang panghihina ko.
He doesn't answer me, i guess i know the answer and its just right that he didn't say it, i don't wanna hear it. Baka maglupasay nako sa sahig kapag narinig ko yun tama na siguro sobra na siya sa pananakit sakin,
And for the last time, tumingin ako sakanya. i wiped my tears in my cheeks then i gave him a smile. All i can see in his eyes is a pity on me,no affection and love, Huminga muna ako ng malalim saka muling nag pakawala ng salita
"Congrats! Wishing you all the best, Sana maging masaya ka. And ........ thanks for everything," i manage to smile because i want to stand by my words,Hindi ako mahina. i turned around and started to walk away
"Avi-- He calls me, i lift my hand while walking and show him a sign that i'm fine
He was my knight and shining armour the first time we met, he saved me sa nagattempt na magtake advantage sakin ng gabing yon i was drunk dahil kagagaling ko lang din sa breakup non, sa mga una kong breakup ako lang mag isang bumangon sa pagkalugmok ko. Tinulungan niya akong magmove on at pinasaya, iba ang sayang naibigay niya sakin pero parte lang pala yon ng pangloloko niya. Pare-parehas lang sila
"Ouch" inda ko ng mabangga ako sa matigas na bagay, napahinto ako pero nanatili akong nakayuko, patuloy parin sa pagtakbo ang isip ko dahil sa mga nangyari. Akmang tatayo ako pero muli akong nauntog sa dibdib niya, iyon pala ang bagay na matigas
"Hey, watch your step" iritang tugon ng lalaki sa harap ko he squatted as he pick his keys,Humagulgol ako ng iyak dahil parin sa sakit na nararamdaman ko, I just found myself hugging this guy, bahagya siyang nataranta pero kalaunan hinayaan niya na ako. Nawala na ako sa tamang pagiisip ko dahil sa kakaiyak ko, all i know is, i badly needed this. A hug, it doesn't matter who this person is
"I'm so-r-ry" namamaos kong sabi
I stayed at this position for a couple of minute while crying, i don't know why he seems allowing me or letting me hug him, he even gave his handkerchief.he waited until i stopped from crying. saka ako kumalas sakanya
"Thanks,i feel better" suminghap ako at pinunasan ang basang pisngi ko, medyo gumaan nga ang pakiramdam ko nang naiyak ko lahat ng sakit at sama ng loob ko.I turned around and didn't bother to look at him,nakakahiyang ipakita ang namamaga kong mga mata i started to look around and find my car kahit nanglalabo ang paningin ko
****
I had conference call with alessa and cresia, they heard of what happen kaya nila ako tinawagan its already late kaya hindi na kami nagkita kita, hindi rin nila ito pinalagpas kaya eto naguusap usap kami over the phone
" You're so weak avi, bakit hindi mo pinatikim man lang sila ng sampal? Bagay sakanila yon, hay nako i'm so pissed dapat talaga pinuntahan kita kanina." Its cresia
"Cres, it's not being weak. In fact she's very strong to handle the situation kahit sobrang painful na sakanya" alessa
"I don't want to make a scene. Tsaka hindi ako marunong mag skandalo noh, were not trained to be like that. Isn't it?
"Yeah/ofcourse" sabay nilang sagot
"I learned a lesson from this mistake from now on i don't think i can still need a man, i don't think so. I'll remained single until i get old"
"Hahaha we understand you've been hurt for so many times, pero don't think na mapapanindigan mo yan baka kainin mo lang yung sinabi mo" alessa
Tahimik nalang kaming natawa sa isat' isa.
Pero buo na sa isip ko yun. I don't need a man anymore
