It was early to mid June. I receieved a text message saying, "I was going to Skype you but nevermind." My jaw completely dropped, so I texted back "Omg no. Please please please Skype me. Just... let me put on makeup." I was so nervous, but I hopped out of my bed, and applied all the makeup I needed.
"Foundation, eyeliner, and mascara. Got it," I said with a smile.
I held my breath when I answered the call. It was completely silence, and neither of us showed our faces.
"You talk first," he typed into Skype"
"No. You talk first!"
"No. You."
After a bit of work, I finally worked up the courage to speak. I was playing Survival Games on Minecraft, so it was pretty much just a slight scream. He of course hasn't talked yet, so I kept trying to prod him.
"Aaron, your phone went off"
"It did?"
"YES YOU SPOKE! YES YES YES!"
"Shush."
That was the first thing I ever heard him say, and I still remember it clear as day even though it was about two months ago. Honestly, I will never forget it.
After some time, I finally got out of my shell and started being myself. I honestly hated being myself because most guys hated me because of how "weird" I acted. To this day I'm still shy about some things. I'm just terrified of messing up everything. I'm scared of myself. He doesn't realize it, but I'm trying to be a better person, I'm just.. I don't know. I just don't know myself anymore, and I hate myself.
After a few hours on Skype we finally got off, mainly because he was tired. He was so cute and stupid in a good way. It made me feel so good inside that I just never wanted to not Skype him, but that all fell apart so quickly where we rarely Skype anymore.
He was charming, I guess. He was slightly rude, but he did apologize for it. We're two different people. I can pour my heart out, but he can't. I'll deal with it.
"So Aaron, did that make you fall in love with me more? xD"
"Actually, it did."
I was completely shocked, and super happy at the same. It was kind of like a punch in the face, BUT IN A GOOD WAY. Can punches in the face even be a good thing? Eh. I'm just a hopeless romantic I guess. It just sucks that I get so jealous, but I can't help it. I've been crushed so many times, I don't want it to happen again, but I guess that isn't on me to decide. I'm just... sorry for who I am. If I could be someone different I would be. Honestly, this book has become more of a diary, and me trying to accept myself than what I tried to make it..
BACK TO THE STORY!
After we got off, I put my laptop up, and stared at my wall, waiting for text messages. He would send me super long text messages that would just make me smile ear to ear.
"Breanna, I'll always love you like the first time I fell in love with you. My love for you is a neverending flame that just gets stronger and burns brighter. You're the best girlfriend I've ever had and I wouldn't leave you for anyone... You're the one I want to be with... I love you... Breanna Nicole Johnson." (This is WORD FOR WORD)
I cried every night because he would always send me sweet text messages, and I just couldn't put into words what my heart wanted to. I'm scared to tell him how I really feel, because I don't know if he feels the same way or is just going to laugh at me whenever I try. Now I'm just mortified to say the wrong thing. I'll make it through. I'll just try to stay strong. I love him so much. So much it hurts, but he doesn't realize how much I do.
