a summer like that | jj project

1993 (part two)

Jinyoung didn't realize when his hands have travelled far up behind Jaebum's neck which has started to sweat a little bit. Jinyoung being the healthy one could realize that getting under a duvet during the summer is like a punishment. He sweats profusely and the humidity is too much under the covers.

He kicks off the duvet and finds Jaebum sound asleep. A silver of his neck and collarbone peeked out from where his tshirt had parted away a little bit.

Jinyoung rests his torso on his elbows and studies the plains of Jaebum's sun kissed skin or whatever was visible to him.
He has this sudden desire to touch Jaebum, caress him or maybe just see what it feels like to rub his lips on the valley of his neck right below his Adam's apple.

What Jinyoung fails to notice is that Jaebum wasn't sleeping at all. He merely had his eyes closed for a span of time. Sleeping was a difficult task for him marinating in his own temperature.
Jinyoung is drawn closer and closer to Jaebum's neck by some invisible force until his face hovers above Jaebum's shoulders.

"What are you looking at?"

Jinyoung is alarmed at that voice and he shoots away at an instant, almost falling off the single bed.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? You lie Jinyoung and not too well."

Jinyoung bites down on his lips. How can he ever lie to that face? How can he ever tell Jaebum that he likes him more than just a friend? He likes him in a way he can't explain.

At first Jinyoung was fully prepared but after stepping into his room, he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure if he was ready to let go of this friendship or whatever he had with Jaebum in exchange of making a dumb confession to him. But then Jaebum says things and does things, which confuses Jinyoung but he has no means to clarify his doubts.

"Come here."

Jaebum was soon putting a shaky hand out, wrapping it behind Jinyoung's neck and pulling him closer to his chest. Jinyoung had started to believe that Jaebum was being delusional at its best. Jaebum was sick and Jinyoung wasn't sure he himself was okay either.

Jinyoung doesn't resist. He places his ears over Jaebum's chest, his heart beating frantically covered by layers of bones, flesh and clothing. Jinyoung feels Jaebum is trying to say something but he can't form it into words.
Jinyoung looks up, finds Jaebum sighing in some form of contentment. It was a test of his boldness which he didn't know about a couple days back. But this time he was the one drowning and Jaebum was his lifeboat.

Jinyoung moves his body up a bit, Jaebum's eyes fixated on each of his movements. As Jinyoung trembled to undo the first two buttons of Jaebum's shirt, Jaebum helps him by undoing the third button himself. Jinyoung lies on his side, exchanging awkward and hesitant looks between Jaebum's deep hooded eyes and his partly exposed chest.

He traces Jaebum's skin with his pointer and stops above his collarbone.

"Go on," Jaebum encourages.

As if Jaebum was inside his head and he was maneuvering all of Jinyoung's actions because otherwise Jinyoung couldn't even dream of doing anything he was doing at that point.

He functions on a kind of sixth sense. So Jinyoung just goes ahead to press his lips over Jaebum's collarbone. He moves his head away for a while and then goes back, trailing small and light kisses down his collarbone and reaches over his pecs.
Jinyoung pauses momentarily, bringing up a finger to rub at Jaebum's nipple getting amazed as the nub hardens in front of his eyes and then he looks back at Jaebum who has his mouth slightly parted open in a low moan. Jinyoung looks at him like a guilty person invading someone's privacy but Jaebum frees him off his guilt and strokes his fingers through Jinyoung's hair.

"Jinyoung," Jaebum moans and with that Jinyoung just bids farewell to his last of inhibitions and restraints.
He dives down with his mouth closing around Jaebum's nipple, sucking onto it lightly, occasionally rubbing at it with the pad of his finger, lapping over it with his tongue until he loses the track of time.

Tasting the salt from his skin was like an aphrodisiac.
Jinyoung wasn't there in his head. He had let Jaebum in to play with his free will. And he savored how Jaebum was moaning his name shamelessly at that point. This is the kind of intimacy that was missing from his life. This is what Jinyoung desired secretly.
His only splinter of conscience returns when Jaebum's starts slowly grinding his crotch against Jinyoung's thighs. He stops licking at Jaebum's skin to concentrate on the hardness rubbing at his legs.

Jinyoung jumps out of the bed at once, backing away until he couldn't' anymore because there was a wall behind him.
A hand clasped over his mouth, Jinyoung keeps reminding himself how to breathe.

What was he doing?

What they've done?

Jaebum briefly rises up on his elbows, grimacing as he did so. The portion of his bare chest still glistening with Jinyoung's spit. He looks at Jinyoung with a question in his eyes as if he wanted to say- Why did you stop?

"Jaebum, I am sorry... We shouldn't... "

Jinyoung couldn't finish his sentence. He was swiftly putting on his shoes and rushing towards the window.

"Jinyoung. Please, don't go. Jinyoung stop."

But Jinyoung was already making his way down the vines and soon he was back into the safety of his room. As realization came streaming in Jinyoung fisted at his hair and threw the pillows from his bed to the far end of his room.

What the actual fuck was he doing with Jaebum anyway?

And that's how that summer ended for both of them. Jaebum's visit to the town was cut short due to his illness and he was transported back to the city. Jinyoung couldn't meet him to say goodbye this time. He just wasn't brave enough to face him anymore.

But with Jaebum's departure, Jinyoung fell sick soon after.

"Viral fever," the doctor said.

And Jinyoung's mother couldn't figure out how that happened