Now I was having bad anxiety.. So one day when it was a PD-DAY I was home alone and I grabbed a pencil sharpener and I broke it open. I took the blade out of it and started to cut my leg...I loved the pain, this is how I learned to deal with my problems. Everyday I cut more and more on both legs... Until, my mom saw my legs.. It was horrible she told my dad and they both started crying I couldn't stand it... I felt guilty of so manny things by this point. I thought they were gonna tell at me but they didn't...my mom got me oil to get rid of my scars and it worked but then the bullying got worse... By this point I knew I was bi and I didn't care but some people did...I got bugged about that too.. I would always believe what people said...I couldn't handle it I was having suicidle thoughts now. I had planed it all out and I got all the stuff I need but I didn't end up doing it... :( I thought about everyone around me what they would think and how they would act so I decided not to... But I still always wanna do it.. I just don't know what everyone would think and I know that some people would not be able to live they would die without me . 😭 I have not cut in like forever but I always still want to.. I cut on my legs and arms now.. To help me I smoke and I know I shouldn't cause I'm young and it's bad for me but I think it helps me.. I also smoke weed... I really shouldn't do any of this but it helps we'll at least that's what I wanna think.. I wanna be happy again but idk if that's possible anymore.. I am diagnosed with anxiety disorder and I have bad anger... I still wanna cut I wanna take my life away but it would be to hard for me... I went to the doctor and they wanna put me on pills... I wanna try them but idk if it will make it worse...
