Anything Really

Lap 2

"Writer's block again? I can help."

"No, I'm not giving you a blowjob."

"That's not what I was suggesting."

"Really?" I threw my head back to face him. "What did you have in mind?"

He shyly mouths blowjob. I turn back to face the blue device. Microsoft Word was open, and the thin line was blinking impatiently.

"What do I write about?"

"I dunno. I'm not a writer person. Feelings aren't my thing." He sits to the other side of the long vomit green sofa.

"Write about the time that kangaroo chased you. Or the time when you were sleepwalking and you flushed all your cash down the toilet."

"Oh my goodness, you still remember that?"

"Of course I do." He picks up an imposter banana from its bunch. "Hey um Eddy remember that sleepwalking thing I thought I got rid of? Yeah well, its back and I flushed all my money down the toilet. Yes, I'm serious." Immediately he starts laughing like it's the funniest thing ever.

I hit him with a cushion and almost spilled all his coffee over my cheap sofa.

"Come on. Unzip your pants."

"Wait seriously?" A seriousness comes over his face. "Cause I'm totally ready for it."

"No...wow did you believe me?"

"I mean...yeah kinda..."

I type in 'you have a girlfriend' on the page.

"Who's more in love with you than me." He gets up and moves to the kitchen. Fun time over.

"That's not true."

"Do I behave like too much of a guy? Is that why? I bet you my only kidney that's she's had women go down on her before I came into the picture."

"She's straight dude. Besides I'm not her type. My hair's too short." I refer to his raven shoulder length hair versus my short fade.

"Yeah, but you have boobs."

"Barely. She's into boobs?"

"Yeah."

"She said so?"

"She doesn't have to tell me that. I see how she looks at women's breasts." He emphasizes the last word.

"And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how wars begin. Misinterpretations."

"Not only wars. Relationships too", he whispers to his cup.

"What do you mean by that?"

"What do you think I mean?"

"Your father didn't love your mother because he actually wanted your aunt who was already married to uncle Steven?"

He picks up his keys and walks towards the door.

"What? Why are you so moody?" I throw the cushion at his back. "Just come sit with me for a while longer."

He hesitates. I know he knows I know that I've gotten him already.

"Please? And I'll, I don't know, I'll watch that stupid movie you were talking about." He doesn't move. "The one she doesn't want you to see."

I stand and slowly walk towards him. "We can eat microwaved popcorn and whatever else is edible in here." I rub my hands across his broad back and he tenses up.

"Sigh." He turns around. "Just sigh." He sits on the couch and tries to take up as much space as possible.

"One of these days," he says while staring at the ceiling, "I'm going to learn how to say no to you."

"Until then," I lay right across him, "stay with me. I hate being alone. You know this."

I know what I'm doing is cruel. But that's the fun part.

"Would you ever go out with me?" He asks after a long comfortable silence.

"Whatever you think the answer is, that's the answer."

"What if I think you'd rather make out with a zombie than go out with me?"

"Then you need to work on your confidence."

"...so, is that a yes?"