The Faulted

chapter one

fortune favors the brave.

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Franklin D. Roosevelt had once said the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

There are only five basic fears that we live by; fear of death, fear of abandonment, fear of confinement or immobilization, fear of mutilation and fear of humiliation. Yet, if you actually sit down and think about it, you would realize that there are so many phobias in this world. People are afraid of heights, public speaking, needles, flying on airplanes. Once, I met a guy who was afraid of bald heads. Of course, to a lot of people that probably sounds a little ridiculous, but it's actually pretty terrifying. 

It's even worse when it becomes addicting. It musters up this paranoia that completely takes control of you and from then on, your life becomes dependent on that paranoid feeling. Everything you do or say, the person you become--it's centered around that. 

Or at least, that's what happened to me. I'm afraid of water and I have been for almost my whole life. This fear has surpassed the line of ridiculousness by miles at this point, but it's my worst nightmare, and I can't wake myself up. 

"You're not hungry?"

I straighten my back and look up at Ryan and Carol, immediately wincing when pain sears through my neck. I must have been out of it for a long time for it to feel this sore. Ryan and Carol stare at me, concerned or disturbed, I can't tell. Probably both. 

"Do you not like it?" Carol frowns at my untouched plate of her Alfredo pasta. "Too much salt? Too little?" 

"I guess I just don't have an appetite," I say. 

Ryan and Carol look at each other.

"It's cool," I shrug. "I'll wrap it up and save it for later."

"You need to eat, Gail," Ryan says. "You didn't eat anything today."

"That's not true. I had a Trix bar at the camp," I tell him. 

"That thing is filled with sugar," Ryan crinkles his nose. "You can't go the whole day on an unhealthy sugar bar."

"Maybe you can work up an appetite," Carol smiles. "Why don't you go take a walk? Maybe buy us milk, we're almost out."

Carol stares at Ryan pointedly, raising her eyebrows. He rolls his eyes and huffs, pulling a crumbled twenty dollar bill from his pocket and sliding it across the table to me.

My shoulders slump forward and I let out a small whine. "I don't want to walk all the way over there, the store is so far from here."

"Lazy," Ryan scoffs. Carol glares at him before she turns back to me.

"You can go in that," Carol points to my pajama sweats and t-shirt.

I snatch the money off the table and stuff it in my pocket. "Whatever."

Before I can hear them say anything else, I walk out of the kitchen and slip into my sandals. I grab the keys and slam the front door shut behind me.

The grocery store across the street is already closed, so I have to walk all the way to the 7/11 store--that's practically on the other side of town-- to buy Carol something she probably has but used as an excuse to get me out of the house. I sigh and reach for my neck, rubbing it gently.

My eyes warily search the sky out of habit while I walk down the street, and the familiar disappointment follows shortly after. 

When Ryan told me not to expect there to be stars in Sacramento like there were in Albion, I didn't think he meant that there were literally no stars at all. It's dark and empty and the hole in my chest grows bigger the longer I stare at the sky.

I waste no time to grab the milk and a couple Trix bars as soon as I get to the store. There's only one person with the cashier, to my luck. I set my stuff on the counter to get the money in my pocket. 

The guy in front of me slams his hand down suddenly, and the milk falls onto my foot. 

"Ow, son of a-"  

"Are you serious?" The guy shouts.

"Twenty cents or you're not getting that water, kid." The cashier stares at him, not fazed at all. The guy clenches his fists so tightly that his knuckles turn white.

"It's fucking pennies," he scoffs. "What are you going to do with pennies?"

"I've got someone else waiting on line," the cashier says in the most bored tone ever. "Pay it or lose it, kid."

"Well I don't have any pennies," he crosses his arms in front of his chest. "But I'm taking this water.

I roll my eyes as I set my milk on the counter again. "I'll pay."

The guy turns to me, and I'm surprised when I see his face. He looked younger than his voice led me to believe, maybe even around my age. His eyes were a dull green and they stood out against his pale skin, his dark tousled hair falling slightly over them. His hand shakily combed through it, pushing it upwards

He shakes his head at me. "No way, he-"

"Hey, shut up," I cut him off, "and let me pay so I can leave." I slide the twenty dollar bill across the cold counter to the cashier. He narrows his eyes at me. 

The cashier turns to me and grunts, grabbing my groceries and scanning them. The guy beside me shifts, walking away from the register and standing at the door. I look back at the cashier, who's taking his sweet time counting the bills.

I grimace. "Just keep the change."

"That really isn't necessary, ma'am." 

"Tip for the inconvenience," I offer with a shrug. My foot aches every time I step on it on my way to the exit. I glare at the delinquent. His fingers were twitching at the side of his shaking leg. He could be cold since he was standing under the air vent. Or he had too much coffee.

"Can I have my water now?" He asks impatiently as soon as I reach him, as if he'd been waiting for years. It was a water bottle, not a million dollars. 

"Yeah, you can have some respect, too, but I think I left that at the register," I taunt, shoving his bottle into his chest. Some nerve he has. 

"Oh, I thank you ever so much for paying twenty cents for me." He cocks an eyebrow, his lips twitching upwards slightly. "I guess you could say it was...common cents." 

I blink at him, holding in a snort.

He tilts his head. "You don't get it? It's-"

"No, I get it," I hold up my hand. "That wasn't very good."

"Ah," his lopsided smile widens. "No sense of humor. What a shame."

He turns, walking out of the store with the water bottle clenched tightly in his trembling hand.