My Procrastination Problem

Rant about life

People always say that "practice makes perfect" "If you practice you'll get better" But I'm not seeing any improvement on anything. I'm not talented. but I'm also not terrible, I'm just average. Just there, you can't be average at something and make a job out of it, you have to be great at it. Something I'll never be at anything.

I used to want to do animation and draw things. When I started I wasn't good at it, so I practiced with lot's of references and I started to improve, I felt so proud of myself. Until I took away the references and started to draw with just my imagination, then I sucked. No matter how much I tried to practice, I never improved. I felt like I was just getting worse at it. I slowly started to give up on myself and tried to find something new/

My next thing was acting, I loved it, pretending to be someone I wasn't, for once not having to be me. I auditioned for a lot of shows, and I slowly started to notice that all I was getting was the small and crappy parts. One year during a theater camp my anxiety spiked for some reason, and one of the directors there was a director at my schools theater program. So after that I never gotten a bigger part, no matter how much I tried, and tried to control my anxiety. Just because my stupid brain wouldn't stop panicking, means I will probably never be able to improve on anything because I will never get a chance.

My latest thing I have been trying is writing stories, I actually don't mind it and many people say I'm amazing at it. The only problem is that I loose motivation quickly, and I always get writers block to the point where I can't write anymore. Recently I have been working on a story that I'm hoping to publish on here soon, but I can't seem to get passed a writers block I've been having, so I haven't written anything for a month, and I have been slowly editing it because by the time I get time to I have no motivation and end up not doing it.

I honestly have no clue what I'm going to do with my life after high school, knowing my luck though, I'm going to end up getting a shitty job that'll I do for the rest of my life, like my dad, and will be stuck in the same town for the rest of my life because I won't have any money to get out of it and do some fun things.