Something you must understand about my departure is this: I've been yearning to leave Wattpad for what verifiably feels like years. But then, I always get sucked back into the Wattpad vortex—the complex social hierarchy, the fact that you have to basically abandon your real life just to prevent your Wattpad existence from becoming stagnant—and I can't.
I never could. I always seem to leave when it gets serious. On my first account, I left when I hit around 50 followers. It was probably 2012, then, and I wrote science fiction. You may laugh now, but the pressure to please them swallowed me whole. I lost passion for my then-novel, but they wanted me to deliver, deliver, deliver. I wanted me to deliver. It was my first online book, and it was on the science fiction rankings. And we all know how addictive that system is. But eventually, I gave out. And I abandoned that account.
On my second account, I got a tiny bit further. But the same thing happened again. I found myself checking my rankings obsessively, and wasting away on the little orange app. I dreamed of getting my trilogy published via Wattpad. I also had writer's block. So in time, the fact that I wasn't measuring up in my standards got to me again, and I abandoned that too.
My third account is one some of you might find recognizable. The handle was first @/treetoppes, then more recognizably, @/southernseas, then @/saffronskies. I made it because I wanted to get popular so I could secure a book deal. And for the first time, I found myself writing mainstream genres—short story, romance, teen fiction, and chicklit instead of science fiction. That summer was a boring summer. Margaret unimpossibly was on Wattpad at the same time as well, and she became very social. After seeing how her work flourished as a result, how it turned Wattpad from a chore into a community, I became social too.
And then, I saw myself understanding the nuances of Wattpad. I entered the scene around the end of the kik phase and the peak of the ask.fm phase, and I got to understand how the relationships on Wattpad worked. I also came to understand how truly fucked up this place is, beneath the big numbers and the endless plethora of friendships. But I'm human too. I stayed, with the vain hope that I'd become popular so I could become a published author, a dream I've hoped to achieve ever since I was 5.
And then, I saw someone reasonably close to me rise to fame. When I met her, she was at just above 1k followers. Now, she's at around 22k. She rose to fame, achieved everything she's ever wanted... and then she became a caricature of herself. Hollow, empty, distant.
I'm happy for her. But goddamn would I ever let me lose myself in persuit of Wattpad fame, which, according to hepburnettes , isn't even real. I didn't get what Noelle meant until I saw this newly popular friend of mine completely lose herself. And Noelle also made me realize something that applies to everyone on this godforsaken site: if I were to die today, what will happen to my Wattpad existence?
Nothing, that's what. Most people don't even write under their real name, and until this profile, I didn't either. Assuming your friendships never went beyond the purely virtual sense, staying only in the realm of exchanging pleasantaries and fangirling together on Wattpad, under your pen name, nobody would ever know, would they? It'd seem as if one day, you decided to go in a hiatus forever.
Your memory would not live on, and your friends' impressions of you will be fleeting, if anything. I'm not going to apologize for being morbid, because that's really how I see Wattpad. An orange, orange world of fabricated friendships.
In due time, I became inactive. School got in the way. Eventually, I left that account, too.
But thing is, I still remained on Wattpad. There's really only one reason for that: Saving Elliot by northbynorth . I'd discovered it on my first account, saw it completed on my second. When she was updating her last chapters, I'd sneak my phone from my parents' room and stay up for them. If she reported that she would be updating a chapter over the weekend, it'd be the best news I'd hear all month.
Man, I love that book. Still do. Definitely lingering until the completion of the 2nd draft of that book.
In any case, I made this account. I didn't tell those on my old account that I'd moved or anything. I upped and dusted. I love writing, and I think I'll love it for the rest of my life. If I can't write, I'd probably daydream my way into homelessness. Like, actually. And so, I published Glass Castle (later renamed Obsidian Palace because it was uncannily similar to stereohearted 's. Ironically, she renamed her Glass Castle as well).
And people read it. People commented. I was nice, and thanked them. Conversations sparked, friendships emerged, and I eventually found myself as hopelessly ensnared within the Wattpad web as I was on my last account. As I vowed not to be.
This is the main reason I'm leaving. I knew, the moment I declared my hiatus, that I was a goner. The thing about being on a seemingly indefinite hiatus is that it brings a false sense of being there when you're really not, and it sucks for anyone who awaits your resturn. So I decided I'd cut the tether between Wattpad's social circle and I for good.
There's also the fact that I no longer want to publish any of my work here. Now, I'm entering a shit ton of competitions, and things get messy in the legal sphere regarding what is published where for how long.
That's not to say that I will be forever absent from your life if you wish me not to be. Pm me for my iMessage or my Instagram and I will provide it gladly. Go on.
I'm not going to say bye because it's not really a goodbye, but rather, a departure from this godforsaken site and it's silly hierarchies. The internet is really fucking convienient and you could hmu with a few taps on your screen.
x Grace
