The Crush

The Crush - 1

I sat on my bed letting time pass by, doing nothing. Just staring at the trees slowly dropping it's leaves on my front porch. I turned to my phone, to check for any notifications. "Nothing" I whispered softly, as the feeling of wanting him to talk to me slowly consumed my mind. My heart quickly sunk, to the idea he only sees me as a friend. Now I've realized that I've fallen again, for a friend. That I waste my time waiting for him and wanting him to talk to me, but then again when haven't I wasted my time on a guy who doesn't like me back. I stood up and took a piece of paper. I sat on a stool for my study table, and I started to write, and as i poured my heart to it, i felt tears coming out of my eyes. "I'm tired" i softly whispered while tears come out of my eyes. "I'm really tired, sad and alone" i said as i started to feel more tears coming out. I am tired, sad, alone, depressed and more than all that, i feel unloved. That I'd end up old, alone and sad. Yes i do have friends and I love my family, but there is a certain urge to look for someone to be be in loved with. Someone that will hold you close when you're sad, someone who'll hold you close and assure you that there is no one else in the world better than you. "Maybe i'd just be a nun" i said to myself to give myself options, incase I'd never find love. "Or maybe just devote myself in helping animals" i said just to give myself a laugh. "I need to calm down, it is just a guy, i don't need one, I'm a strong and independent woman" i said to assure myself and to remind myself to love myself more than anyone else. I finally decided to end this, i stood up and reached over my laptop. "How to stop liking your crush" i mumbled as i was typing it down on google. I read a lot of articles, but it all basically meant the same things. 1st is to allow yourself to be sad, 2nd is to distance yourself. Next would be to stop talking about him. 4th will be to not turn lust to anger. 5th is to realize that it takes time and lastly to meet and flirt with new people. Wouldn't that all be easy to do, "yeah, i can do this" but, i was wrong. It's not easy to do, there is a slight tingle whenever i see him. A little nudge to the heart when he touches me and a little shock when he sits beside me. It takes me days and weeks, but i still feel the same. Unfortunately, i still like a guy who would never like me more than a friend. A guys who would never appreciate a side of me that the world doesn't see. In years, you'll see them grow. Be happy, but without you. It was dumb of me, to see me as he sees me. I should've put my happiness before him. There are many other people out there that would appreciate me for me. But then again, there is still time to change, there is always time to change. To think for yourself, and be happy for you, not for others.