Escaping In Your Arms

Chapter nr. 7 - A painful conversation

The next day I went to have lunch with Brian.
" So... How is Christine? Did you solve the problem with her?"
" Yeah... pretty much. How was Phiscs?"
" Oh. Well, your students are very good at identifying rivers on the map. Oh, by the way, I've been to a rock gig last night. A very interesting one..."
At this very moment the red cheeks of Brian were very, very prominent.
" Wwhat band?"
" Oh... I am afraid that I had forgotten the name, but I remember the guitarist. He was really good looking, tall, oh, and his name was Brian May.  Could this be  a coincidence, Mr, May?"
Now Brian was pretty much resembling with a tomato.
" This was the urgent problem with your wife?"
" Well, I didn't lie to you, Chrisi is pregnant and she had to go to the doctor for some medical tests. And the gig, well, it was a gig."
" I loved it! And congrats!"
" You did? So you are not mad at me?"
" Of course not! God Brian, for someone with brain you don't get the jokes. In my country it was a crime to listen to rock music. But singing it, it is like bringing the Death herself."
" Well, in that case! Thank you! By the way, do you want to go for a walk in the park? I don't have and more classes, so,  if you are free..."
" I would be delighted actually!"
We went in a small and quiet park. It was a pleasant conversation when Brian asked me:
" Tell me more about your country."
I was taken aback by the request. Roumania is a sensible subject for me. I refused Brian politely and excused myself and told him that I should be going back home.
" Let me walk you home"
Surpraisingly, I didn't refuse him. When I am near him I feel protected, but I also have fun. After I came here, he became my friend without questioning my origins, my country or myself. And those things made me feel very comfortable around him witch it is unusual. I rarely accept men around me. Bobi was my very best friend in a country that you can not feel like home. With Brian...is something new, something different.
Once we were in front of my flat I decided that maybe I should invite him in. He happily accepted my offer.
" Till, sit! Sorry about that! She is a very friendly dog."
" Don't worry! Come here, puppy!"
Well, Till, my little dog was in love with Brian already. I left them in the hall while I was heading to the kitchen to prepare some tea and some biscuits.
While I was "cooking" I heard the sweet sound of Led Zeppelin. It seems like someone discovered my albums.
" I'm sorry, but the attraction was to big! I had no idea that you like rock music!"
" Is not a problem, and I already told you to feel like home"
" So... Did you have a significant one, you know, in Roumania?"
"No, I had never been into a relationship. And I am not planning to have one right now. So... You're going to be a father! I think that it is awesome!"
" Yeah... Is scary, but I can't wait for that! I'm sure you'll have the same feelings when you'll be pregnant." he say with a smile on his face. But exactly his last statement made my smile to vanish.
" I can't have kids, Bri..." I told him trying to hold back my crack in the voice.
" Oh, Ana, I had no idea. But you are so young, how could that be possible?"
I was ashamed of myself. I hate disccusing this awful topic. I never told anyone actually about the reasons that I can not have a child. It is painful. But, for once in my life, I think that I should talk, after all, nobody can harm me here. Not when Brian is around.
" It is a looong story. I don't think that you want to hear it." I am a coward, and this was one of my last attempt to make him change his mind. But, obviously, it didn't work out as I expected.
" No, Ana, I want to hear it. I am a good listener."
" Well... It all started when I was in highschool. I was in the tenth grade. At school we had to learn Russian, but I refused. My teacher ask me why I refuse to learn it and I told her that I will never learn a language of a country that I hate. Nothing happened to me in that day. But in my class was a child whose parents were from Security, which is the most feared organisation in Roumania. And my little anti- Russian speak upset the Security. So next day they arrested me. I stayed in jail for about one year and a half just because I refused to learn that damn language. But they did not just locked me up in there. I was the only female in that jail... They tortured me. The beat me up until I could not remember my own name." in that very moment I could not hold back my tears. " They raped me, thousand and thousand times, no mercy in their faces while I was begging them to kill me. They did all that crap to me to make me confess that I am a part of an anti Russia organisation and that I was planning to run away from my country. Until that moment, that thought never crossed my mind. I lost so much weight there. And after I was released I had to go and learn in school and to make it look like I had absolutely nothing. My best friend from that time noticed that I lost weight but that was it."
" But your parents? Couldn't they protected you?"
" They were killed, right before my eyes when I was in jail."
There was silence between the two of us. But it was a comfortable silence. I liked that. Now I was stand-in in Brian's lap, his arms were around my shoulders and my hand were in his curly hair. I felt safe.