Bullet Proof Chest (Sonny Moore/ Andy Biersack/ Kellin Quinn)

Four: Sonny

"I saw her," Derek says, sitting across from me at the table I'm tucked behind in our bus. Sweat is still smothering the pores on his forehead. We just finished our set in Georgia.

"Who her?" I ask, then take a sip of the Monster that I'm holding. This liquid is my lifeline. I know Matt never told Derek about Her, so I'm puzzled.

"Nick," he nods and relaxes back into his seat. It's uncomfortable on these cushions, but he deals. He pulls out a pack of cigarettes and pulls a cancer stick from the packaging before he offers me one. I accept and light it quickly. We shouldn't be doing this inside. I don't care. I feel guilty, as though my mom's watching me. I take a drag. Immediately, I feel calmer. I wish I wasn't addicted.

"Nick?"

I know he's referring to Nicole. I do miss her, to be quite honest. We were inseparable. And dammit, we were the cutest couple. Things went wrong, though. First, she said I was too obsessed. Then, on tour, I fell for someone else. We fooled around a little. We didn't have sex, but still, I cheated on her. She wouldn't have ever found out. Guilty, I spilt the beans. She was mad, but quickly got over it. Well, at least, I thought so, up until she left me and informed me that she had been seeing and sleeping with some other guy named Ben.

Nicole comes to our shows when we're nearby. She lives in Texas, but she only goes to shows that are out of state to see us. I don't think that she wants me to know she's there. Usually, one of the guys sees her. I don't look for her. I don't know why she comes. Maybe she does want me to see her, to remind me of what I fucked up. Maybe she misses me, too.

"I heard she's in college now," Derek says and blows a cloud of cancer in my direction. I believe that. She's always been smart on top of beautiful. Derek's girlfriend Sommer still talks to Nicole. It's kind of weird, but whatever. That's another reason I think she comes around, too. At least I don't see her at parties.

Besides, I heard she was pregnant.

"Cool." I don't know what else to say. I don't know that I really care anymore. I was never head over heels for Nicole. Sure, it took me some time to realize it, but it's the truth. I just thought I was in love with her. I was just blind.

I take another drag.

"Heard she's looking to get back with you," Sommer's gossip slips past his lips. He coughs and sips the beer he has in front of him. I'm not sure if it's his or whose it is, but no one's here to care. "Don't do it, man."

I won't. Lately, I've become too obsessed with Her, the mystery girl. She's all I care about now. I first saw Her when I was dating Nicole. Nicole and I had just celebrated our one year anniversary. At that moment, it no longer mattered. I think that's what caused me to cheat, not that it was an excuse. I shouldn't have done it. It wasn't fair of me. The girl's name was Tara, I believe. Maybe Mara. Who cares? She looked very similar to Her, now that I think about it. Their eyes are different, though. Tara had mucky brown eyes, like dirty swamp water. That might've been the only difference between them that I could have noticed given the distance from which I had seen Her. However, had it been Her, I would've called Nicole and broken up with her right then and there.

"We really don't like her," Derek breaks my train of thought. I always thought that they felt that way. This is the first time anyone's said it. Well, other than Matt. "She's a bitch."

That was a little uncalled for. I'm the one that fucked up. They all knew that. Except they all high-fived me for it. I guess I should've made sense of it then, at the very least. I just thought that they just wanted me to be happy. I didn't want to imagine that I'd been dating someone bad for me.

"Derek saw The Beast!" Matt proclaims, now running in. He's sweaty. I can't imagine what he was doing for this long that he should have that much perspiration on his face.