A love story ... At least , in my head 💙💔

A complecated love ...

I am at the see , in another country , in an amazing trip with my bff's family. It is great . Her parents love me and her little brother is cool . He's funny and smart , and ... kind of sexy ... i have to admit. The see is amazing, the water is warm and we stay in a huge resort with a lot of hotels and a lot of POOLS . It was great . Every night we used to walk around and we found a cool bar where we could have a representation. We could put some music and dance , or we could do some karaoke . We both love dancing and Zumba, so we went there every night to drink & dance , or to dance & drink . In that night I drunk a lot and I was very funny we all laughed so hard and I couldn't stand or walk straight, so he helped me. I leaned on his arm and he held his hands in his hoodie's pockets . I cuddled his arm until I got my hand on his pocket, moment when he took my hand and I felt my legs even weaker . When we arrived to our room , I was so tired so I fell asleep immediately . But one night, I wasn't so tired , but my friend was, so when she fell asleep I started looking around and the image I saw was something like this : It was a widely hotel room , with a big wardrobe and a faint ray of light penetrated the darkness from the room , letting me see the smallest details . I was laying in a big bed with my friend , and on the floor , on a beach mattress was her brother. I was looking at him , feeling bad because he had to sleep on the floor because of me ... Than , I asked him if he wants to come near me , because he was my brother too , somehow ... actually , this was in my head , but my heart was racing ... I think I fell in love with him . But I didn't want him to know that . So I was trying not to blush and he accepted to come near me . He laid near me and we were very close, because we didn't want to weak "our sister" up . We started talking ( whispering ) about everything. I talked about my life, he talked about his and we talked for hours. Than I felt more comfortable and confident , so , as we had our hands under the pillow , I touched his little finger with mine . In that moment he smiled , looked straight into my eyes , took my hand and said " Don't take me with these !" In that moment my cheeks started to burn and I started to smile uncontrollably . I came closer to him and he put his hand on my back and gave me a tight hug. Than he said "You know that we can't do this" ( because we became kind of a family ) but I was completely soaked in love and I forgot my principles so I was so confident and in my mind I was shouting in my mind: "Kiss me now!" . Some seconds later I realized that he kissed me . I didn't realize what happened in that moment, because I was very nervous . But when I did "remember" , I could say that that was the most beautiful moment in all my life. His soft big lips crushed on mine . I fell in love with him and his lips. We realized that we have to keep this a secret. It would be our little sweet secret , so in the next morning we act as we always did . Every night since that moment we used to say awake all night and talk until the sun started to shine , than , at 6 o'clock in the morning we went to sleep. I had to wake up at 10 or 11 , because my friend was , obviously , full of energy , and he could sleep until 1 in the afternoon . I was sooo jealous ....
Sadly , in a week , we had to come back home . The trip was amazing and the way back home was a really adventure . The GPS wasn't doing his job properly . When we stopped at an intersection we saw a car whit a number from our country and I was brave enough to run there to ask them if they were going home , because we wanted to follow them . We had luck and we entered in our country safe . Time passed , the sun set and the road was warmed by the weak light of the car headlights . The atmosphere was romantic and intimate and I was tired , so I lead closer to him and he hugged me . Everything was perfect . I felt appreciated , loved and beautiful . Once in a while he turned my head firmly but tenderly and romantically and kissed me passionately .
After we arrived home , we started talking less and less often and than ... We ended up not talking at all .
It took me months to get over this breakup . After a wile , I was happy again . The pain disappeared .

Omfg ! I can't believe This ... I thought it's over ... I thought I am over him ... I realised that it was just a break ... I realised that i ... still ... love him ? ... Oh God ... How is This posibile ? I ... I ... I miss him ... I miss his touch ... I miss his kisses ... I miss his deep lovely sight . I miss his jokes . I miss his laugh . I miss his soft brown shiny long hair . I still don't know why We broke up , why he broke up with me . He didn't have Any reason Or he didn't Tell me that reason . I Felt So left alone . It Felt like i Was left alone on a small island in the middle of the ocean .
I wish i can talk with him . I wish i can Ask him How is life without me . Is It better ? Is It the Same ? Does he miss me ? Did he ever miss me ? Did he ever love me ? Or ... i Was just a joke ... just entertaiment ...

After 10 months i decided i can talk with him . It Was a text conversation . And , At the Same time , a mistake . I shouldn't . I should have been wandering What have i done wrong . I should have been thinking about talking with him And Keep doing that forever . But i Was a fool. And i stil am . He invited me over When his mom Was At work to see a mouvie . But ... thinks weren't going as i planed ... And he gently touched my fingers . When i have been thinking about This moment Home . I have been like ... No , i came Here to see This mouvie . This is all . But the reality Was diferent . I got his fingers too . Than , his hand , than We layed down And ... he came closer And Said he Was bored . Than , he touched me gently And lead in to kiss me . My First reaction Was to refuze him . Than Cupidon delited my mind And the Information that that day Was my 10 months aniversary with my boy ... with my boyfriend . So ... i ended up kissing him ... And ... after that ... We bouth ended up naked ... And ... well ... with a kiss And a gentle touch ... We ...

I realised that he's evil ... He's just evil And he likes It . He likes to play football And to make tricks with my heart . And he is good At This Game . I thought i Was playing with him . I thought i Was the one Who Was playing ... But ... he plays with me again . He plays with my heart again . And the worst part is that i am the one Who let him do that AGAIN ... I suffer again . I cry again in silence for his soft lips And warm touch .
After a while I forgot him . So I texted him . I asked him why we didn't talk anymore . I asked him if we were friends anymore . He gave me the worst answer . He said that we are friends , but that doesn't mean that we have to talk . "We aren't close friends ." He's surely changing 180• every single moment . Once he loves me , than he doesn't care about me . I am the same for an yeah . I am the same girl who finds him an egocentric good looking boy . I think he loves himself more than he will ever be able to love someone else . I decided that I love his sister and his mother more than I will ever love him , so this is why I must stop thinking about him , at least in that way .