The Story Book Project

The Alien { Complete }

During the year 10092, I have been sent to a tiny planet called earth by The Supreme Leader. I was to partake in a one-sided cultural immersion programme, observing and collecting data on the primitives that live there. The following are notes i have taken down in my day log.

Day 1

I have arrived on the planet and I am pleasantly surprised. The air smells clean and there are tall brown and green structures around me. On further investigation, I have come to realise that they are trees. I have never seen trees before. History books claim that nature was a thing of the distant past on my planet. Furry looking creatures swing from the branches of these trees. They approached me slowly. I saw some of the smaller furry creatures cling to some of the bigger ones. I had thought these were the locals. They were screeching and hooting loudly at my every movement. I had felt very insulted but had presumed that this was their custom. However, when I had extended my hand in welcome, the creatures began advancing and lunging at me. Obviously I ran.

Day 2

The sun shines very brightly. I am very surprised. For a planet with only one sun, how can it be so hot here. However, it seems the humans here have adapted to the heat. There are many with holes in their shirt or cloth cut out of their pants. Ingenious, really. The people seem to be very diverse too. Everyone seem to not resemble each other and have different names. I do not understand the reasoning behind this variety. Hive minds and common appearances never confused anyone. Although , the humans seem to like this individuality. The humans also seem to be very rude lying to me. Once, water was falling from the sky and a near by male laughed and said " Man, it's really raining cats and dogs.". While I am familiar with the furry mammals cats and dogs, I was very disappointed to see neither cats nor dogs falling. Later, I learnt that that was a common phrase humans used to describe the heavy rain. Unfortunately, I do not understand the appeal of having these weird and nonsensical phrase, even if the majority of the earth's population understood it.

Day 3

The humans have absolutely disgusting taste in music. I tried to listen to their mundane radio and half the time, a person is talking and the other half, another person is talking but much quicker. There is a lot of talk about marijuana and I have difficulty understanding what our proud planet's national fruit has to do with Earth. Another thing I do not understand is the human's humour. I was walking in the streets and a man ran up to me with a mobile device and shouted " What are those?" while pointing towards my shoes. I was confused as I had researched Earth a lot and one of their famous shoewear is something called " Crocs " which was what I was wearing. The man had then proceeded to run away laughing. I once saw a conversation between two people consistening entirely of weird ohrases like " I smell like beef", followed by " look at allthose chickens", then " My father has diabetes". Laughs were heard from them but if there was a joke, I did not get it.

Day 4

Their language seem to have preceeded our planet's dictionary. I was talking to a nice, young lady and she gave me a smoking paper cylinder and said " It's about to get lit! Stay woke!". Needless to say, I could not comprehend what she was saying. Was 'lit' another famous phrase for being set on fire? Was 'woke' a recreation of 'wake' ? Was it not used as what our planet would know it as the past tense of 'wake'? It was not before long that I discovered the human's have created an universally known sign language as well. A group of small males were walking in the park and one of them ducked his head into the crook of his right elbow and extended his left arm diagonally. Suddenly, the group of boys were doing the same, occasionally shouting 'dab'. They seem to be communicating a joke as they had all started laughing.

Day 5

I have come to realise that the humans are far too complex to comprehend. With their disgusting individuality and lifestyle, it is a wonder how no other planet decided to research these homosapiens. This confusing world of, as I have come to know the word, trends and 'in-things' have baffled me beyond comprehension. Regardless, it is still my job to report back to the Supreme Leader and await my reward. I have to say I never want to come back ever again.

* If PewDiePie was a boomer alien