the secret

Is there love ?

As you now know caspar lee now lives with joe sugg for a few months now. everyone thought they were just friends until it leaked on to the Internet .

i was sitting on the sofa with a bottle of beer and a 12 inched pizza on my lap watching marcusbutlertv on the big screen. thinking about what I could film next for my youtube channel (what just hit 3 million)

joe did suggest doing the coming out video knowing about how long I've been doing youtube for. I kept saying no to him then i just gave up and said "yes."

so I set up my camera and said my intro "hello my name is caspar lee" and at that point I just froze in my position thinking of what people would say about me . so I stopped filming and turn the camera off and sat back down on to my bed. thinking about life and how it is not working out for me not one little bit. how can my life be good if I can't tell my closest friends and family don't even know about me.

that night me and joe were sitting on the sofa playing fifa 12 (i was winning if course) when joe said "I can't wait for tomorrow can you?" I had know i dear what he was talking about. so I said in a weak quite voice "I can't wait." joe smiled "see you tomorrow cas love you" and blow at kiss at me. at that point Alfie walked in and asked "can i stay have for tonight its late and im tired I cant get the train home" so being the kind person I am I said "sure you can sleep on the sofa ill make it up now" Alfie hit the pillow and fell asleep. i went to joe to say goodnight. he was asleep aswell so went up to him and kissed him on the cheek and whispered night night joe I stayed up all night thinking of what tomorrow was I never figured it out.