for her | bang chan.

five.

"chan" sounds better when it escapes her lips.
everything sounds better when it escapes her lips.
she teaches me how to kiss.
"tilt your head, and just lean in slowly."
and so i did.
i'm sure i still did it wrong, but she didn't mind.
she guides my hands to parts of her body
i didn't know i was allowed to touch.
her skin was pale.
goosebumps form
as my cold hands graze her e p i t h e l i a l.
"don't be shy." she reminds me.
"you're not doing anything wrong."
i let my hands linger around her waist
before she brings them to the hem of her shirt.
with her hands guiding mine,
i pull her shirt over her head.
exposing the most intimate parts of her.
and then it occurs.
i'm not the only one.
i'm not the only one to pull her clothes off.
i'm not the only one to feel her lips on shameful places.
i'm not the only one to take advantage of her insecurities.
"why do you do this?" i ask.
she smiles a pained smile and looks off to the side.
a sliver of 2pm shines through the curtains
and illuminates her face.
"it's easier.
falling in l u s t,
than falling
in love."