The Girl I Once Was

            

As a young girl, I was told what to wear, what to eat, what to say and who to talk to. As I entered my early adolescence I began to wonder what it would be like to make my own decisions. As much as I loved my parents, I could no longer live in their shadow...

I wanted to be my own person, not the person my parents have shaped me to be. Slowly I began to break out of the routine my parents had designed for me... slowly I began to discover the person I was inside.

Much to my parent's dismay, the person I was becoming was not someone that belonged in my family. Some may say I was the black sheep. In the beginning, this didn't seem to affect me all that much... I didn't mind that I was different, I didn't mind that my worldviews were different from my parents and siblings. All that mattered was that they were mine.

***

The late stages of adolescence were when being myself became the hardest. In an attempt to get their 'little girl' back, my parents began to create rule after rule, in hopes of finally breaking me. Of course, it didn't.

Their rules just pushed me further and further away from them, at the time I couldn't see it but being myself had its repercussions in my family.

My parents stopped trusting me, so I broke more rules, my parents would punish me for speaking my mind, so I pushed them away to the point where I had lost the last remaining bit of relationship I still had with them.

As soon as the relationship was lost, home never felt like home. I felt like an outsider in my own home. My parent's best advice to my siblings became, "Don't be like your sister". This stung for a little but eventually, you get used to it...

***  

When you're born into a family like this, you can never escape the judgment. They will always have your future mapped out for you, making sure you're always on route, moulding you into the person they want you to be... and the person they want you to be with is crucial.

I first met him when I was 15. I'm not going to say it was love at first sight... it definitely wasn't, far from it. He was everything I was taught to avoid; mysterious and overconfident, with a devilish smirk and a sickly-sweet smile. He had girls falling at his feet... everyone but me, that is.

But that's the thing about love, it sneaks up on you and by the time you realise it... it's too late.

As our friendship grew so did my feelings. By the time I had reached year 12, I was head over heels in love with him. There was no point in denying it, everyone could see it. The more I got to know him, the more I realised there was more to him than met the eye. Yes, he was mysterious but that's what drew me in. It kept me wanting more, wanting to know more about him and his story.

But this isn't a story about how everything fell into place after I met him, because what happened was the exact opposite. My parents didn't approve. At all. Not one bit. This put a strain on our relationship and at times it felt hopeless to even try...

But there was something about him, something that I just couldn't let go, something that made me want to spend the rest of my life with him, to start a family with him... to grow old with him.

Even with all the setbacks we faced, our love flourished. I fell more and more in love with him every day. I fell in love with the little things, like the way his smile formed, the way his talking sped up when he got excited, the way he laughed so hard no noise would come out.

It wasn't only the physical things though, it was the way he understood me like no one else could, the way he would hold me when I was sad, the way he could make me laugh despite everything going on around us.

Even when we fought, the love I had for this boy was overwhelming. The way we met may not have been romantic, and our relationship had definitely had its fair share of ups and downs, but I have never been happier.

The setbacks, the inconveniences, the fights, and the heartbreak, it was all worth it for the happiness I experience when I'm in his arms.