The title of this part of My Life has nothing to do with what I'm talking about but I was just listening to NF so like I put it as the title.... Heheheheh
Anywayyyyyyy
Hi there, soy Maria
If you didn't know, I was inactive for a couple days like 5 days...
I left because of personal reasons..
I haven't been in a good place recently and I have escaped this place once but honestly don't know how I escaped it
I'm older now and I guess it's just harder to ignore the voices and these people who just tell you to kill yourself and awful things
I just wish things could go back to the way they were
I was so happy when I was younger now I have e fucking emotional, mental breakdowns like everyday
On top of that, I have panic attacks and social anxiety attacks along with anxiety attacks
I wish I was good enough
I wish I could help
But I can't even help myself
I look at myself in the mirror everyday and tell myself that I should die
Everyone thinks that so might as well think it also
You are probably so annoyed by me and I'm showcasing my depression so everyone can see
Hate me, think I'm annoying, judge me because Wattpad is the only place I can go to let out all my emotions
I just want to die
3/16/19
I left Wattpad to see if maybe it was causing me to become more sad
It was because of Wattpad sorta
So I don't know
I am just having so many emotions, I wish I had someone but sometimes you can't get everything you want
I just see a bunch of stuff online that just makes me cry and makes me feel like I'm not enough
And I know the world doesn't revolve around me but I just need that shoulder to lean on
But it's weird because at the same time I don't want that
I just feel like people pretend to care but really don't even the people that I spoke to since Day One
I don't know if that's just my fear of judgement but like I feel like that all the time
You know, I'm fine in script upside down is Help Me
I think my older sister is now noticing what's happening to me and I think she is trying but I don't open up to my family really quickly
I'm sorry for being a fucking disappointment
My sister surprised me with NF tickets and told me to have fun for once
I felt really happy but at the same time I knew that she wanted answers about what im going through
I didn't tell her what's going on
I acted like everything was great, which is my only talent
I had an amazing time at the concert and I felt like nobody could hurt me, I felt like I was home, I was sad because I knew the concert was going to end eventually but nothing else mattered while I was enjoying the concert.
It was truly the most fun I have had in forever
However that doesn't heal me so I'm still shitty
It's going to take time
It's going to take forever
I hate myself
I am a few days clean
I'm a fucked up person
I can't keep promises
I can't help others
I'm sorry for talking about my shit
I'm going to go now
Bye
-Maria
