thirteen ↝ʷᵒⁿʰᵘᶦ ᵎ

thirteen

I wanted to confess.

I was an hour early, making sure everything's all set up. This was our third date and I wanted it special. I asked Mingyu to help me cook, and even though the mashed potatoes are slightly overcooked, it was alright.

He never came. By ten at night I packed everything and went home. Mingyu asked me how it went, but I went past him after handing him the basket and buried myself under my sheets.

It was the morning after when I heard the news.

Mingyu was in hysterics. At first I thought he had ruined something of some sort, but when he looked at me, I knew it was beyond that.

"What's wrong?"

Mingyu shook his head no, tears wouldn't stop flowing. "J-Junnie... J-Jun-Junnie's d-dead."

Then I heard the sound of something breaking. There was nothing shattered in sight, so I guessed that was my heart.

"H-how?"

"Accid-accident. The f-fucking truck didn't s-see the re-red light."

He was on the way to the park when it happened. I shouldn't have asked him out. If I didn't, he would still be alive. If I didn't, he would still be smiling. If I didn't, he would still be with me.

It was my fault.

We were all wearing dark blue.

Apparently, Junhui once mentioned that if he ever dies, he wanted everyone to wear dark blue instead of black. He said it'll feel more peaceful that way.

I didn't feel peaceful.

It was an open casket. He was wearing a serenity-colored suit. His mother let me tuck a single primrose on the pocket of his coat. While I still could, I brushed my fingers on his cold cheeks, already missing the warmth he used to emit.

It's like he wasn't Junhui if he wasn't warm.

But he was, he is, he'll always will be.

I said I love him before I broke down. Soonyoung was there to console me, but I didn't pay him mind. I watched the casket close, catching a final glimpse of Junhui's serene face.

Briefly, everything flashed in my mind. When I first saw him, the way he laughed, the way he snuggled up to me when we walked, how red his cheeks went when he said something cute, the way he looked at me like no one else was around.

When they lowered the casket down on the ground, I felt like my heart was being lowered on the ground too, Junhui taking it with him. The deities above probably thought they needed an angel back. They needed my angel back.

I didn't leave until everyone was gone. I didn't leave even if my phone kept on ringing. I didn't leave even if the sunrise was dawning over on the hills, telling me to go home and rest.

I only left when I felt like my body was about to give up on me crying. I only left when the gentle caress of the wind felt warm on my face. I only left when the flowers from the locust tree fell over around me.

I only left when the wind whispered he loves me too.

+++

*camila voice* that's it? that's the ending? you end up alone?

yes sis

thank you for reading lovelies~