mystery x reader but its accurate (DISCONTINUED)

so basically

"Im monky" a small voice whispered out from the alleyway. Your body shivered as it was said again, but louder. "So basically" the voice said, taunting you. "Im monky". You knew it was a bad idea to come down this way, but you saw a note... something about some 'happy juice'. You sure could use some of that right now.

You heard a lot of coughing, and a really bad smell... all of a sudden a large cat jumped out from the bins, naked. "Hee hoo! Mystery is really REALLY sorry he's late.... mystery has ALOT of orders for his happy juice!" The cat said, before pulling a few bugs out of his fur.

What. The. Fuck. This cat had just straight up spoken in 3rd person about himself, and was currently eating the bugs he had pulled out of his fur. Great. Because who doesn't want an unknown filthy cat selling you so called 'happy juice'. But you said "fuck it" and continued the conversation.

"So uh.... about this happy juice.... can i-" you were cut off by mystery, who had started screaming something about 'not being blue'. "HAPPY JUICE COMES IN 3 COLOURS YES ALL YOUR FAVOURITE ONES THAT MYSTERY MADE ESPECIALLY FOR YOU!!!" "what colou-" "RED YELLOW AND WHITE!!!" He shouted, before proceeding to vomit all over you. "Oh... Oopsies! Mystery is very sorry!"

...this was not going to end well.

"Uh.....i think ill pass....." you said,  before backing away. But something made you stop. Maybe it was just a stupid thought...but maybe you LIKED him? Before leaving, you spoke. "But maybe if you wanted..... we could go on a date?" No! What are you saying! Did you really just ask him on a date?

You saw his jolly smile turn into a smirk, before he said "mystery doesn't do dates, but mystery wants to do you~" since you had gotten this far, you thought you would take it further. "Well maybe you can show me YOUR happy juice~" "mystery has alot to show you~" he said, before vomiting all over you again. "Oh frickles! Mystery must go now, ok?! Bye friend!"

And then you woke up.