Drapetomania

Tacenda

What a plot twist you were, when you entered my life. I was almost certain you would heal those few wounds embedded on my soul, but you left only nefarious scars

I wanted you, all of you. The attention I craved so much for, you gave it all away to her. This moment of epiphany, it's been the worse ever.

I have seen you, myself, and her. The way you laugh with her, that mellifluous melody of yours when she cracks a joke, never that same ethereal tone when you are with me.

Yes I miss those times when you would gaze at me, staring straight into my eyes, stare when you saw me enter, giving me those special feels.

I am oblivious of anything. Why have you changed, your perceptions maybe? Or have I changed? Have you realised I am not tall enough like her, have the perfect figure like her or is my acne too revealing now?

You know it pains, it pains way too much. Seeing you craving for her, I can see it in your eyes darling, don't hide your gaze away. If you can't read mine anymore, I can still read yours clearly, because my heart still beats for you. The promises we made to each other, the reminiscence of our little secrets are still in resonance.

Don't you worry, I'll not show you my pain, I'll not trouble you anymore

Just like I would pester you before, complaining about the other girls you talked to or making you refrain from any over casual chats. Call it cingulomania, or the extent of being maniac, I really craved for you.

I know you want her, but you think it's bad to ditch someone who gave you everything.

We look cute together, but I can't deny you look perfect with her

Your perceptions of life matches perfectly with her, and ours are so endlessly different. They say opposites attract, but I don't think this applies to us right.

I don't wanna read your mind, even if I can, since I know your desires too well

You want her, I need you

I can never be her, never

I can try, but trust me no one will be happy

It is easy to say let go and what's yours will come back, but I get frissons at the mere thought of losing you forever.

Ironic isn't it how we ask ourselves to stay strong, to keep your broken heart pieces together? What if they repel one another, what if he is the only remedy to this heart break?

Can't I have him back? Should I beg her to return to me my everything? Should I sell my ego, my self respect for sympathy?

The final decision, it's always been up to you, this time too it will be yours

I'll write to you and ask you which path you want to take, is it worthy for our relationship to proceed or maybe you want a break

I'll stand before you with a fade smile and wait for your response

I know at the end I' ll either get a warm hug and feel your fingers interlocking my strands of hair and feel safe with you if not, I'll stand vaguely straight, When you'll say our parting is better, I'll nod and turn away rapidly

The surge of tears, of breakdown, I'll try to keep strong befor you, I'll still want you not to feel guilty about anything.

But that will be the end of a part of me, a permanent scar that will be carved on me, the destruction of my fragile heart, such that I'll be inert to any pain forever

I'll bear that tragedy silently, feel my death, and yet still pray for your life.

An untold tacenda..